I’m listening to my host sister getting in trouble. She didn’t come home until 7 pm. I am not sure of the particulars and I feel bad for her—host mom sounds irritated—but I am impressed that I can understand! Sometimes I feel like I understand a lot of Korean. Then, sometimes, I can’t understand a word someone says. Ah, well…I’m better off than I was a year ago, and at least I can do the basics. As long as I learn a new word or two a day, I still stay ahead of my students in language learning!
Tomorrow I start out on my trip. I couldn’t get a flight out until midday Saturday, but I’ll make the usual trek to Seoul (fourth Friday running) and stay with Susie there. It’s nice to arrive and still have a half-day ahead of me, even if I just end up hanging at Susie’s. Beats Friday night traffic, or waking up at 6 am Saturday to catch my flight.
I’m really looking forward to the time off. Defeat has settled into me this week. I am irritable and uninspired and my some of my students have been less than angelic. Not sure which came first—angry me or uncooperative them—but we are engaged in a struggle in which I am certain to be the loser. I’m ready to retire the field for a bit and hopefully start afresh. It’s sad that I’m having trouble already five weeks in. What will I do later in the semester, with no vacation for weeks? Pray for the unexpected, I suppose. I do like my job, for the most part, but it’s difficult because it’s not just a matter of doing my best. There are too many involved parties. No matter what I do, things could go array. For a control freak like me, working in such conditions is often a struggle. Maybe teaching is not my calling after all. But then I have the few wonderful classes, and the many wonderful students who visit me all the time, and chase after me, and try to talk to me…I try to let these sustain me. I can’t win everyone. I’m a little sad that I’m not more popular with the boys, but I try not to take it too personally. Gender divisions are much more rigid here in general, and they are at the stage where boys hate girls and vice versa. I’ll never understand it.
(A side note about gender differentiated treatment: When I was walking home yesterday, I saw the sixth graders playing kickball, evidently as part of gym class. It looked like a pretty enthusiastic game, then I looked more closely and realized there were NO GIRLS. They were off to the side, doing their own weenie game. It struck me as so strange—that NEVER happened in my childhood!—but I guess it provides some insight into the gender divide I come up against at times which irritates me so. No wonder no one thinks I could be good at sports—girls here are evidently encouraged at an early age to not be competitive and physical, are shown that they cannot compete with the boys, are separated and winnowed out. How tragic. Why does femininity always have to be equated with weakness? When I think of all of the strong women I know…well, I can’t think of a single male to match them!)
Taiwan looms closer and I am anxious to get away. A week free of responsibility to explore an island in the sun with two good friends. What could be better?