Sun do shine!--Thursday, March 29

I realized today that I haven’t seen the sun, really, since last month. The weeks after I came back from Southeast Asia were invariably warm, sunny, and glorious and I remember thinking that I could really fall in love with Korean weather after all. But then, this month happened. I am not sure if the ongoing rain and gloom is unusual or not and I don’t even care that much. I simply cannot live like this. I’ve been down ever since school started and I have the feeling a lot of it is due to the weather. I remember reading about Seasonal Affective Disorder in high school and thinking much of it applied to me and my moods. Over the years, I’ve grown more certain. I’m like a plant when it comes to sunlight and I wither away without it. At the moment, then, I’m virtually on my deathbed. I’m still waiting for this supposedly fabulous Korean spring to blow me away. I mean really…fall was superb, winter was okay but cold, summer we already know is wet and cloudy and miserable…spring better be great or what would be worth living for nine months out of the year?

Today, for the record, it rained again. I brought my umbrella to school, but I was too lazy to take it to TKD so I had to catch a ride home with twenty screaming urchins. Since I’ve started going at 4 instead of 6, I’m with different kids now and they are slowly starting to grow on me. They are all boys this time and cuter by the day. Today, two of them kept trying to talk to me and our “conversation” gradually descended into one word, barely intelligible questions by the boys, and nods by me.

Boy #1: “Onworehroa?”
Me: “Mula.” (I don’t know)
Boy #2 (making wild arm motions): “Onwoetrhld?”
Me: “Oh, octopus? No, I don’t like it!”

Sometimes I get a little annoyed with these silly conversations, but I usually surprise myself with how patient I can be. Most of the time, I still do enjoy them, even though I’ve had probably 1 million similar exchanges since I’ve been in Hongsan. Take, for example, today’s lunch, at which I was joined by 20 wildly curious first graders, chewing octopus and simultaneously asking me about everything under the sun. I could only catch maybe every thirtieth word, but I did my best. I can already tell they’re going to be a handful, but at least they’ll be a little frightened/in awe of me at first. Helps with classroom management J.

Tomorrow I leave for the Fulbright Conference. I am super annoyed that I will not be able to get there until Saturday morning. My work schedule really sucks and since I live so far out of the main grid, I’m just screwed, always, when it comes to transportation. I usually don’t mind it all that much, but when it’s the one weekend I get to go to Jeju and literally everyone else is arriving a good 24 hours ahead of me…well, I’m bitter. And then I’ve been receiving emails every 15 minutes about what everyone’s doing on Friday night. Assholes. I realized today, too, that I’m not really looking forward to it. I think if I went back and read about my feelings leading up to the Gyeongju Conference it would be a similar story, too. I’m not sure why I detest this sort of get-together. It seems like everyone else grows giddy with delight at the thought of reunions, but I visibly cringe. It’s not that I don’t want to see my friends (though lately, everyone seems like the enemy, what with their multiple vacations, easy work schedules, and happy little lives). I simply feel that being there with all 70+ other Fulbrighters is not going to be my idea of fun and I’d have a better time with only a few people. I wonder, too, what it is we are supposed to accomplish in approximately six hours of meetings. I suppose I will find out soon enough.

At the moment, I’m trying to stave off some of the bitterness with knitting, Sex and the City, and other indulgences. I sure could use some help from that ol’ fire in the sky, though…

And down some more--Wednesday, March 28

I can’t believe it’s only Wednesday and I am less than halfway through my teaching hours for the week. Today was one of those days that makes me want to RUN, away from Korea, to anywhere else. Or at least, run from my classroom. I was evidently not the only one, as some of my darling monsters were quite eager to show me their running skills today, often in combination with a vocal competition. Man o man, I am soooo tired of some of these kids. I used to think that their behavior problems arose because of my lack of teaching skill, and while this may be partly true, I am just not willing to take all the responsibility anymore. I am sick of being an underappreciated nanny to 200 kids and I’m just not going to do it anymore. If the other teachers aren’t going to co-teach, that is fine, but they will receive the joy of all the kids I have to kick out! [insert evil laugh] This is probably sounding a little harsh—I do still like most of them, but I have simply reached the end of my rope with many. The thought of prolonging this punishment for another year received only a grim chuckle. Come fall, I think I am homeward bound.

I did have a good day in TKD, though. I am currently working on the fourth form and will be tested on that on Friday. Today I learned and mastered the fifth form as well. Considering that yesterday I couldn’t even remember the first, second, and third forms, I was quite pleased with myself! My squat little tutor was happy, too, that he didn’t have to do much except say, “Okay!” at the end.

It was raining furiously during TKD class but had nearly stopped by the end. Foolishly, I decided to risk it and walk home. What do you know—it POURED on me and my backpack of formerly clean work clothes and new box of American books, delivered today courtesy of Mom. I can’t remember the last time I was that frustrated and miserable. But now, with a tummy full of cookies and grapes and I, Claudius to look forward to, things seem a lot better.

Down-n-up--Tuesday, March 27

Today was a series of ups and downs.
+I realized my vice principal uses a baby voice, broken words, and hand gestures with EVERYONE, not just me. Lord only knows how he even has a job.
-He used said baby voice to force me to ingest this disgusting medicine, which was probably just concentrated ginseng and not very helpful.
+My students were nearly angelic today.
+My worst student even willingly participated AND he gave me a candy!
+We had my favorite, tiny soy eggs, today for lunch.
-The eggs were smothered in bbq sauce and lil’ smokies.
+I went to taekwondo today.
-I forgot all of the routines and went at half the speed of even the mentally disabled kids.
+I met some random foreigner walking home today.
-He’s a missionary and probably crazy.
+I had a huge hot cup of flowery tea when I got home.
+We had curry for dinner!
+And I was home alone for an hour!

Now I am finishing up work for the day and preparing to settle down with I, Claudius. Oh, life is nice, all things considered.

Thunderstorms, Pastries, and Academics--Monday, March 26

I decided to leave school early today in hopes of speeding my recovery. I woke up today to superficially worse symptoms—a nose running like the Han after a summer storm and approaching deafness, among other things—but I was hopeful this meant my body was purging itself. After my morning classes, then, I decided to forgo samulnori and taekwondo and head home right after lunch. As I was closing my room down, I started hearing some screaming in the halls. I came out to see that dusk-like darkness had ascended and in the unlit hallways, it was indeed a bit spooky. Kids were running, screaming, down the halls; girls were shrieking in classrooms in which the light switch had conveniently been flicked off by sniggering boys….chaos reigned. And I left.

I thought afterwards this was perhaps ungallant of me. I mean, what if it actually became an emergency at the school? The skies seemed threatening enough…I envisioned a flood, definite electricity loss, candles, a schoolful of shuddering, shivering kids…but I still walked on. Sure, I was risking the last battered remains of my health, but when it comes down to it, I really needed my books.

So I came home and read the day away. Most of these aren’t fun books, to be sure—I am currently making my way through Teaching Languages to Young Learners and PACE Yourself: A Handbook for ESL Tutors (which I finished today) to try to build my embarrassingly inadequate foreign language teaching skills; I am reading my Korea guidebook in hopes of both soaking up the culture and identifying the places I absolutely must visit before I leave; and I am starting to page through my Trans-Siberian Railroad guide in anticipation of that journey next fall. I also try to study Korean every day, but I forgot today until just now and alas, it’s time for bed! It’s funny how studious I’ve become since leaving college—I did need a break from the intellectual books at first, but now I enjoy working my way through them. I was also reading a volume of Korean history, but I finished it on Saturday and am waiting for a current history my dad’s bringing me next week. I usually wake up early and read all this before breakfast, making me feel very accomplished and scholarly, but I’ve been indulging my health. Anyway, this afternoon was a delightful foray into academia, especially when accompanied by my novel of the moment (I, Claudius) and Korean bread and cream. I feel quite content and serene and even on the downhill side of recovery! The only thing that could have made it better was if the promised storm had actually arrived; instead, it just rained on me most of the way home and then quit.

Trust--Sunday, March 25

“I cannot go to school today,”
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
“I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is we, my throat is dry,
I’m going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox
And there’s one more—that’s seventeen,
And don’t you think my face looks green
My leg is cut, my eyes are blue—
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I’m sure that my left leg is broke—
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button’s caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,
My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb,
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is—what?
What’s that? What’s that you say?
You say today is…Saturday?
G’bye, I’m going out to play!”
--Shel Silverstein

I am feeling worse than ever. And unlike the ailments of Peggy Ann McKay, mine…well, persist. And thinking that I’ll be attempting to sing to unappreciative three-year-olds in 15 hours does not make me feel better at all. I thought I might be better because I didn’t wake up drenched in sweat last night, like I have all week, but then I got up and realized that now my nose is running and my ears hurt. I must have bird flu.

In my attempts to be lighthearted in my last entry, I forgot to mention one thing that really got me down this week. I came to school on Thursday to find that not only was all the candy underneath my desk gone (except a few wrappers the sticky-fingered clever thief thoughtfully left behind), but he or she had also climbed up to the top of my cabinet, aided by a chair left undisturbed at the crime scene, and taken roughly fifty of the suckers I’d been saving to give as prizes. I was unduly upset. I’m sure it has something to do with my sickness—I mean, it’s just candy, and I’m divided on the issue of giving these brats any sugar, anyway—but I truly felt violated. Sure, it was probably just one or maybe two students, probably the mentally disabled ones (and I think my co-teacher knows exactly who the culprit is, but will not tell me), but this feels like a manifestation of the respect issue that’s been troubling me so lately. Why am I working in an atmosphere where I have to lock my things away when I leave them for an instant? I want to have a relationship built on trust with my students, and now I feel I cannot trust them. This pains me.

More Adventurous--Friday, March 23

Today I was browsing through some book lists online—the 100 best English-language novels of the twentieth century compiled by The Board of the Modern Library, a division of Random House (http://www.infoplease.com/ipea/A0776722.html); the top 100 works of world literature, compiled by the Norwegian Book Club (http://www.infoplease.com/ipea/A0934958.html); kids’ top 100 books (http://www.infoplease.com/ipea/A0934911.html); teachers’ top 100 books for children (http://www.infoplease.com/ipea/A0934913.html); the 100 best characters in fiction since 1900 (http://www.infoplease.com/ipea/A0932846.html); and the 100 best first lines of novels (http://www.infoplease.com/ipea/A0934311.html)--and I was thinking how few of these novels I have actually read. I’ve always been a big reader and lately I’ve been drawing even more pleasure from reading than I can ever remember. I’ve developed a heightened appreciation for beautiful prose, especially poetic prose, to the point where I get giddy from particularly well-expressed lines and wordsmithery. Lately I’ve developed this habit of marking the pages in which this occurs and later transcribing the orgasmic passages, so I can read them over and over again and just marvel. I suppose I can attribute this appreciation to my growing realization that this is a skill I will never have. In fact, I butcher words. If ideas were trees, my writing would first hack the darn thing down into matchstick pieces and then cover them with grotesque graffiti and putrid garbage. And though it makes me a little sad, I am content enough with this. I don’t have the patience to write, anyway. I was always about the quick first (and final) draft in college. The point is, I am a novel enthusiast. Whole-heartedly. But today, looking at these lists, I suddenly realized how unadventurous of a reader I am. Sure, I’ve read a lot of books…but many of them over and over again. I’ve read embarrassingly few of these works listed as THE best in the English language. What kind of book lover am I, anyway?

And this got me thinking on a related topic—it’s not just books where I lack daring. To my core, I am someone who hugs the familiar, whether it be a particular routine (which I MUST have, btw), meals at certain restaurants (sadly, I have a “usual” at every restaurant I’ve been to), clothing brands, etc. So even when I do reach beyond myself and go to South Africa, say, or Korea, or California, I quickly find my home within it and seldom venture out. In all three places I’ve seen far less than I intended, done much fewer things…in short, in some ways I might as well have been home. I try to counter it, but that inertia, man…why mess with things when I’m comfortable?

This tendency to homebodiness is something I’ve identified as less than desirous, but it clings to me yet. So perhaps books at least can be a good first step. My friend Janaki has lent me a few books that I’ve never read before that are, coincidentally, almost all considered some of the “best” of the English language. The Southeast Asia trip, too, was an excellent countermovement; however, when I think of my upcoming trip across Eurasia, solo, I am getting cold feet. I MUST NOT WIMP OUT.

To close, here are some things that have made me laugh in the last couple days:

1. Today two of my female sixth-grade students wrote the following poem:

Pretty
By Hye Jung Kim and Ji Sun Ro

Pretty
Beautiful face
We are so pretty.
Girl queen.
Yepuda.

2. On Wednesday, two other female sixth grade students, Da Hye and Ji ____(I can’t believe I forgot her name!), were newly lamenting the fact that I don’t eat meat. They told me I’d never develop an S-line, the Korean standard for a hot figure which refers to the shape made by the breasts and the booty from the side. They are probably right, though I’m sure it has less to do with the fact that I am vegetarian than my genetic disposition to a pear-like figure combined with less-than-adequate exercise. I think I am more of a lower-case d with a fat vertical line. Or a spoon, even.

3. Two of my second-grade girls came to see me—bother me, actually, when I was trying to get ready for a class—and while jabbering away in unintelligible Korean (I can make this value judgment as a non-native speaker, of course J), one girl pointed to her leg. We’d been working on body parts vocabulary, so I thought maybe she wanted to know the name for it. Plus, I was being deliberately cheeky, hoping to drive them away. I said, “Thigh,” and she said, “Six, seven!”

And so it goes....--Wednesday, March 21

As I write this, I feel almost ill. I just ate a big bowl of spicy ramen noodles and it really isn’t sitting well. I figured my body probably knew what it was about when it was rejecting them as I put them in my stomach, but silly me….I didn’t listen. Also, it was probably stupid to push myself to take a big walk today. I was just trying to counter my natural tendency toward hypochondriacism, but alas…unsuccessful. I essentially lost my voice about halfway through my first class today, coughed like a TB patient, and drank a gallon of tea. It’s been not even cloudy, but just gray for a week now. Life is…going. And now I've infected my poor family...it sounds like a symphony of coughs over here!

Still sickie--Tuesday, March 20

I find it hard to believe it’s only Tuesday. What happened to the weeks just whippin’ by? At the end of last semester, I felt like I’d barely breathe and it would already be Friday! I suspect this feeling of slow-motion time is contributing a great deal to my current dissatisfaction with life. It’s hard to be happy and enthusiastic about life when you’ve only taught a third of your classes for the week and you’ve already screamed yourself hoarse. Okay, I don’t ever scream and I would probably be without a voice in the near future, anyway, with this cold knocking me sideways like it is, but I still like to blame them. Especially those unceasingly demonic fourth graders. Today two of them decided to get into my desk, steal my paper clips, and start making paper clip trains in class. I was livid, what with the spilled tea incident of last week and the increasingly disrespectful attitude of my students. They’re lucky I’d already lent out all my scissors, the little brats!

Other than these isolated incidents with a couple of my classes, things have been going all right in the professional sphere. At least all my female students love me…sometimes I think they might die of pure, unadulterated ecstasy when they see me. It’s much more pronounced this semester, too…I think it just takes them a while to lose their shyness around me. And even some of the boys like me, especially the little boys. I saw one of my favorite second graders, Joo Hee, on several occasions today and he even let me give him big hugs. During one of these spine-crunching embraces, two of his classmates came up and started yelling, “Joo Hee love Jen!” I said, “I love Joo Hee!” and they all ran away screaming. I’m not sure where they learned that phrase, but I’m impressed they used it correctly. I’m also pleased to learn my love for this particular midget is not unrequited. I’ll give him, say, five years, though.

I was thinking on Friday how one of the big things I’ve struggled with is forming teaching plans. Now that I’ve decided to no longer teach the alphabet to my kindergarteners, for example, I’m at a complete loss of what to teach them. Second grade is better because I know the kids and can predict how they’ll respond to my teaching, but it’s still not easy to decide what to teach. I definitely like to follow guidelines or some sort of convention, as much as I like the freedom of teaching whatever I’d like. I can chalk it up to inexperience, perhaps, but I think I am not alone in this. There is a universal tendency to follow, which makes complete sense. As they say, why reinvent the wheel? But sometimes I feel like I get stuck in a rut following someone else’s plans or ideas. And sometimes, too, I’m forced into doing so. I found out on Friday, I believe, that my students will be undergoing monthly conversation tests with their teachers. First, it doesn’t seem fair to the kids, because even I have trouble understanding some of the teachers’ accents. Second, could you possibly standardize tests more? I mean, a conversation dialogue? I think it would be better to have me do the tests, both because I can actually speak English and I can phrase it in different ways to more accurately gauge their understanding. But then again, I suppose in Korea, where EVERYTHING is standardized, this would not be acceptable. And in a way, perhaps they’re right. Perhaps there should be more standardization, so we can make sure kids have equal access, and more objectivity, so they’re judged equally as well. At the same time, it just doesn’t sit well with me. And it puts a lot of pressure on me to teach what I often see as trivial phrases—for example, “What a tall tower!” Well, I’m not about to make serious waves, especially since I don’t actually know what I’m talking about, having taught for only a few months and knowing virtually nothing on the subject. Plus, it does make it easier for me to have this plan to follow. Essentially, my tendency toward laziness is stronger than my individualistic life outlook.

Celebration Reminiscences Pt. 2--Monday, March 19

Today I feel absolutely ill. What a way to start the week—weak. Sore throat. Etc. I’m wallowing in misery at the moment. But to continue the narrative…

On Saturday the six of us—Dana, Bianca, Nika, Jonah, Kiehl, and I—woke up relatively early to hit the mountain. It took us forever to find breakfast and the correct bus, so we didn’t end up hiking until at least noon. It was a chilly, overcast day, too—a good enough temperature for hiking, I suppose, but it certainly didn’t lend any beauty or glamour to the drab winter scenery. I remember thinking as we were walking how happy I was that it is even possible to hike in Korea at this time of year. Sure, it makes me sad sometimes when it’s cold and there’s not even snow, but year-round hiking pretty much makes up for that small flaw. Anyway…I found I was horribly out of shape, but I kept up okay. We hiked a couple 700m peaks, made a loop, and headed back down. It was really nice to be hiking again (the last time was in northern Vietnam), especially with friends. It seems that too often we just end up sleeping and eating and drinking and don’t really do anything worthwhile together, so this was a nice change, even though it was only a five hour break from said partying. Dana and Kiehl made sure to end our hiking with a bang, skinny-dipping in the icy stream with a few casual Korean onlookers. It was a hoot.

That night, we went out to dinner, followed by a bar, and finished at a DVD bang. We were having trouble finding something suitable to eat and in the end, we ended up eating probably the least suitable meal possible. It was pretty good, but oh-so-spicy and not very filling kimchi soup does not mix well with soju and bamboo wine. But it did make for an amusing time. I’m pretty sure all of Daejeon has a poor opinion of Americans now, after the cultural ambassadoring we did on Saturday night! At the very least, they will never associate Americans with class.

When we finished eating, we went down the street to Miller bar for some more drinks. Here is where things got really crazy…or Jonah got crazy. He broke three glasses, called one of our absent friends at least 40 times, and finally stole food from the table next to us. Granted, we all thought they left (since when do guys and girls go to the bathroom together?!?) and they had been done with their food for a while, but yeah…probably not the best thing to do. Especially since it was cold spicy squid. I don’t think these people were too mad about the food, but somehow in the excitement their cigarettes had disappeared. Dana sprinted to a store half a mile away to replace them, and then shortly afterward we discovered them in sly Jonah’s pocket. Sooo funny…and yet, so mortifying. I usually hate to be part of a rowdy group because I don’t like to be thought of as obnoxious, but I think we were at least borderline amusing to our neighbors and there was certainly no harm done to anyone at the end. Except Jonah, who proceeded to puke multiple times that night. Poor kid.

After the cigarette and food stealing incident, it seemed time to go, so we packed it up and headed to a DVD bang (a room you can rent to watch DVDs). I’d never been before and I was really excited for it, but of course I passed out halfway through. Too much ice cream and beer. Plus, the new 007 was not enough to keep me awake. At least I stuck it through, though—by the end, our group had dwindled to three.

We headed home around 2:30. After an incident with management, who seemed none too happy about our sleeping arrangements (you’re evidently not supposed to have six people in a room), we finally went to sleep.

The next morning, I was feeling the effects of the night before. I swear, I used to be able to have multiple nights in a row even wilder than that, but as I’ve gotten older, it just hits me harder and harder. I suppose it’s a good thing—all that alcohol is certainly hard on the ol brain—but it’s annoying when you’re trying to say goodbye to your friends and all you can do is snarl like a bear. We woke up early so we could all get home at reasonable hours; plus, what else was left in Daejeon to do? Hiking….check. Funniest movie ever….check. Most ridiculous night out in Korea…check. All that was left was Costco. Mmmm, love me some of that pizza first thing in the morning!

We parted ways around noon. I walked to the bus station (a familiar route by now!) and proceeded to sit in a bus for the next three hours. Unfortunately, the roads and reading and my abysmal condition got to me and just before we reached Buyeo I had the misfortune to encounter my pizza again. Gross!

And now today, I am paying for the glory of my weekend away. Sigh. Growing up sucks.

Celebrating St. Patrick (Pt. 1)--Sunday, March 18

What a wild, wild weekend. I really don’t think I can even begin to describe all that transpired this weekend, both for decency’s sake and because I am starting to get very sleepy. I will attempt to at least give a brief run-down before I fall asleep at my computer.

Friday was a long, hard day. Nothing too remarkable happened, either good or bad, but I felt a lot better today for no apparent reason. I didn’t even have to force myself to smile—I was genuinely delighted to enthusiastically greet all two hundred of my students! I taught my usual classes and then had my first session of the fifth and sixth grade enrichment class. (Un?)Fortunately, most of the students didn’t show up at all or only halfway through the class, so I really didn’t have to do anything.

I left for the day with my new co-teacher, Kim Jeong Sook, along with the new P.E. teacher (a really nice man I am quite fond of who taught sixth grade and badminton last semester), Kyoung Hee Sam, and the fifth grade teacher. These are all my favorite teachers at school, so I was pretty happy to be spending the extra time with them. The P.E. teacher even took us all out to dinner for my favorite—dosot bap (hot rice in a stone pot)! The meal was really good, but I kept spilling the red things all over myself! It was like I’d never used chopsticks before. I was a little mortified. And then afterwards, my co-teacher scraped up the side of her car—oops! I think she was really upset.

I finally met up with the crew around 8 in downtown Daejeon. We checked into our motel (a real one this time!), ate some Baskin Robbins, and then went to see a movie. We watched 300, which was perhaps the second-stupidest movie I’ve ever seen (after Death to Supermodels), but at least it was funny, if not intentionally so, and the guys were moderately hot and highly chiseled. We learned a lot about the price of freedom that night.

And now I must cut the narrative short as I am about to pass out at the computer. To be continued….

Accost much?--Thursday, March 15

Lately it seems the theme of my life is continuous harassment. Most of the time, it’s harmless—my kids yelling hello at me all the time and jumping around the room, little old ladies smiling and jabbering at me in a still-very-foreign tongue—but there have been times, especially lately, when it feels at least annoying and sometimes even dangerous. Take, for example, last weekend, when that random middle-aged man stopped me to have a repetitive and somewhat incomprehensible conversation on a cold and windy street corner. A bit annoying in and of itself, and then he has to throw that cheek kiss in there. And then just this week, I saw some middle school students (I think) leaving school on my way to taekwondo. At this time of day, the streets of Hongsan are overrun with uniforms, with students outnumbering the rest 5:1, at least. Anyway, these boys always think it’s hysterical to yell random weird things at me on dares, I think. This time they were yelling, “Mekin! Mekin!” which sounds vaguely like American, but not really. I’ve noticed that my students take great pleasure in mutilating English at times, most notably in drawing out the word “hi” into the two Korean syllables in which it’s written in hangul (ha-ee), and I can only guess that’s what these students were doing. It was obnoxious and irritating. I was very thankful at that moment I don’t have to deal with middle school students with the obvious exception of my host sister, who is annoying enough as it is. She’s on a recent diet kick, I think, in which she basically refuses to eat anything. Get a grip, you’re fourteen, and odds are, you’re filling up on crummy street food anyway. Just eat some of Mom’s home cookin’ instead! And then also this week, there was the strange woman who tried to abduct me from TKD. I was very glad she didn’t show up today. To cap of this week of eccentricities and accostment, I was taking a walk today when these old men approached me and rather forcefully took me by the arm. I think they were harmless and that they were quite possibly just drunk, but it was a bit frightening, actually. Two of them were really just bystanders; the one man actually DRAGGED me over to a chair and then proceeded to grope my knees while leering in my face and shouting incomprehensible Korean. From what I could gather, he asked me approximately one million times where I was from and where I was going, both of which I provided answers to no avail. My Korean study is not paying off—I can understand more, but either people can’t understand me or they assume I don’t know what I’m talking about. I barely got out of that situation alive and unfortunately, it was on a main road I use for all my walks! I don’t know why all these people are suddenly approaching me…it’s not like I am looking particularly friendly or even pretty lately. I am wiped out and irritable and it shows. Oh man, I want my vacation back!

A Rescindment--Wednesday, March 14

I take back everything I said yesterday. My students are disobedient brats, I feel worn out and overworked already, and I do want to avoid the teachers after all.

Today started out unremarkably enough. I managed to rouse myself only half an hour after my anticipated wakeup time of 6:00 am. Crazy and unnecessary, I know, but I’m finding it makes me feel much better about my day when I already have so much accomplished by breakfast. This way, I get all my Korean studying and ESL reading done every day without a struggle against my natural lethargy and apathy. I had been sleeping in an extra hour (with the excuse that I was “sick”) and so I was quite proud of myself for managing to get up this morning. We had an excellent breakfast of some of my favorite host mom specialties, most notably a mushroom-egg scramble. I like to roll it up with rice in lettuce and then dip it in soy sauce. Oh, it’s good. After all this, I was even feeling ready for school! I was thinking things were coming together…

But no. This is where things started to go wrong. My second-graders were a nightmare AGAIN. If I thought they were bad last time, well…it’s probably a good thing I can’t forecast the future or I’d have even more trouble motivating myself to work. Even the loss of hearing and voice, utter chaos, a huge mess, and a headache I can deal with, but when I looked up in the middle of trying to get twenty busy bodies to clean up the hugest mess in existence and saw that someone had not only been into my desk again (they’re always fooling with my things and it’s getting beyond annoying), but they had spilled my full tea ALL OVER EVERYTHING. My lesson plans for the day, all the worksheets for the coming classes, the markers, the floor, the computer (almost!)…EVERYTHING. I was so angry. I mean, I know things happen when you’re around kids and I’m usually pretty chill about that, but this was just the final straw in the kids gaining complete run of the entire classroom. Is nothing sacred anymore? I suppose it’s my fault for drawing hazy boundaries and I’ve tried laying down the line…I’m just not forceful enough, I think, and there is the obvious language obstacle. You’d think these kids would be good at reading body language, since they have to interpret so much of the world through means other than language, but I guess they either don’t notice or don’t care in my case. A few of the girls did find me later on my way to lunch and yelled, “I’m sorry!” but I could barely even look at them. (I am not sure who taught them that phrase, but it was sure more than appropriate).

And then, just when I thought I’d recovered, one of my third grade classes came and proceeded to raise absolute hell. It was TERRIBLE. They were so noisy and off-the-wall…it really makes me not want to do fun things, like games, if they’re going to completely lose control like this. I am feeling very vindictive at the moment and it’s probably not the best attitude to have when composing lesson plans. But I just don’t know how I’m going to get through a semester of this. I suppose to be honest I am really more disappointed in myself and my ineptitude as a teacher than I am in them for being unruly. I mean, they’re just kids. But I can’t help thinking they do know better. Somehow I am not inspiring much respect in these younger kids and I’m not sure why or what I can do to counter it.

And then when I was frantically making copies this morning, one of the new teachers cornered me and started blabbering away in Korean. I guess either she is very shy about English or is under a mistaken impression of the magnitude of my Korean skills. It’s actually frustrating sometimes how the teachers treat me—they alternate between talking to me in Korean and magically expecting me to understand, or assuming I can’t comprehend a word and slowly, haltingly, mistranslating random words. And even when I do respond, they tend to assume I don’t understand, anyway. So this teacher has decided she wants to learn English and thinks I am the perfect person to help her do this. My initial generosity in tutoring has, meanwhile, faded completely away…after berating myself for being a poor tutor last night, I remembered today why I was such a terrible teacher—I HATE IT. It’s draining of my time and energy and I just have no interest in it. And it sure doesn’t help when this teacher wants to learn English to essentially become a missionary in Taiwan and the Philippines. I don’t know if I want to assist in such a venture…but I also can’t say no. Argh. At this point, I hope the SK guys never do call me again, because if they do, I’ll basically be tutoring every night and probably fantasizing about ending my life. Hye Ok wrote me last night asking if we could meet this weekend…ARE YOU CRAZY?!?! These people don’t seem to realize that, wonder of wonders, tutoring is NOT what I’d like to do in my free time. How do I get myself into these messes?

TKD was a little better today. We worked on our forms, which is how we pass tests and thus move from belt to belt. I had to pass the first to be considered a yellow belt, and then the second and the third were needed to move on to green. I’m now working on the fourth form, but unfortunately I think I’ve forgotten the others…I should practice those again someday. Anyway, the teacher worked with me individually last week and with one other student today. I had a poor attitude to start, what with my terrible day, and the master kept telling me to relax, but at least I have the routine memorized, even if it’s awkward and disjointed. But here comes the weirdest part of my day…I was practicing by myself when all the sudden there’s a noise at the door and without even looking outside the master motions me over. A woman enters who I have never seen before and gives me an emotional hug. I’m standing there awkwardly as the kids are practicing around me, and I finally go back to practicing. A little while later, the master communicates to me via gestures and the words “me,” “home,” and “go” that I’m supposed to go somewhere—perhaps my house, perhaps her house—with this complete stranger. I tried to explain that I could not, but I don’t think he really understood. He just assumed I didn’t understand what he was saying and kept trying to get me to leave. It was so strange. I must find out who this woman is in case she tries to abduct me once more.

The good, the bad, and the WOW!!--Tuesday, March 13

Things are falling back into place now. My classes are going well, my students are listening and behaving moderately well, and I don’t feel completely overwhelmed with work. It’s good all around. Today it was a bit warmer—enough so that I was hot in my classroom and could go outside without my jacket. I even went on a jog this afternoon in only a long-sleeved t-shirt! No one is more glad than I that spring is returning.

I am starting to remember now how much I really do enjoy my students. They are so funny and cute and for the most part easy to please. They are definitely becoming more familiar with me and this newfound ease has manifested itself in attempting to distract me in all my off-time. The girls are especially guilty. After all my classes they linger, talk to me, try to convince me to give them candy (and today, money), and sometimes help me clean up the room. It’s lucky they are so cute, or this could be exasperating!

This afternoon I had to teach my enrichment class to my third and fourth graders. I only had eight students because the 3-2 class didn’t show, so that was nice. I did a really simple colors lesson and I think they enjoyed it. They learned, at least! Oh, it’s going to be a difficult transition when I suddenly have to teach students from the other schools, too…25 youngsters in the afternoon is a nightmare. At least I don’t have to teach two back-to-back periods this semester.

Things are not proceeding so smoothly on the teacher relationship front. I basically never see them because I’ve taken to holing up in my room. In the mornings, I always have classes to prepare for, and after lunch, I usually try to make sure I’m there to talk to my sister online. I actually prefer it this way…I am not a big fan of loitering on the job and usually don’t make idle conversation even back at my jobs in America. I get enough of watching senseless Korean conversations take place around me…I don’t need to add to it and get less work done all for the sake of face-time with my co-workers. Plus, we’ve had all these welcome-back dinners. I do have to teach the teachers’ workshop tomorrow afternoon and I’m hoping, as usual, that it’s canceled. I really do not excel at teaching adults. I am reading some books Bianca lent me on ESL and I’m realizing what a lousy tutor I’ve been to all the adults that have requested it. I feel badly, but I really didn’t know any better at the time. The SK guys I had been tutoring have not been in touch, perhaps because they think it is no longer worth the trouble. To be honest, I am secretly relieved and hope I don’t hear from them. Kids I can deal with. Adults, no can do. I am such a child.

I realized today that I’m something like two-thirds of the way through my grant already. I don’t know how that happened, but I suddenly only have four months left! It’s a little freaky. I also found out that I have until Mayish to decide on extending. It’s still a raging internal debate.

And so it begins...--Monday, March 12

I opened my email account this morning to the following cheery message from Susie, a fellow ETA. At our pow-wow last weekend, Jon shared a story of a prank Pomona seniors played on his incoming class. They wrote letters for all of them, assigning them the book Truly Madly Viking and requesting an essay. The administration sent a letter of retraction soon afterwards, but a great many freshmen had already done the assignment and Jon himself was saved only by procrastination. She wrote:

Dear friends,

As I listened to the woeful tale of my dear friend Jon Hung who was robbed of his chance to read the classic period piece romance novel Truly, Madly Viking by the authorities of his school, I resolved to remedy this situation. I could not bear to think that Jon was kept from reading "another keeper from Sandra Hill", as Amazon reviewer Eva Biediger described this book. I began weeping when I read that "Tina 'tinaellorascave'" believed this book to be "no doubt one of the funniest novels you'll read all year". Jon was deprived of fun. I don't know many people who appreciate fun more than Jon. The tears would not stop. That was all before I even got to the plot.

"Jorund Ericsson was on a quest to locate his missing brother when Thora, the mind-reading whale, found a way not only to communicate with Jorund but also a way to deliver him naked as the day he was born to the year 2000.

Claiming to be a Viking warrior, Jorund finds himself in a psychiatric hospital among the oddest assortment of lackwits he'd ever seen - and under the care of Dr. Maggie McBride. Now, in addition to his quest to locate his missing brother, Jorund must prove his sanity, contend with his growing attraction to Maggie, and get back to his own time where he belongs. But is his destiny in the year 998 AD or in Maggie McBride's 21st century arms?"

The second book in Hill's Viking series, this description made me instantly want to read The Very Virile Viking, The Bewitched Viking, A Tale of Two Vikings, The Blue Viking, and The Last Viking all at once. If I were capable of that feat, I imagine I would have done so already. Such prolific Vikingisms must mean that Truly, Madly Viking is a story that cannot be passed up.

As books in English are hard to come by in Korea, I asked the gods of emule to gift me with the ability to share this dear story. I must be blessed for they came through and I have in my possession a copy of Truly, Madly Viking, including the much discussed cover.

And so, friends, I would like to share this wonderful example of modern fiction and literary wit. I know I'd like nothing better than to read this book and keep it with my other keepers. Let's read together and bond over this experience.

If you do not feel compelled to read this story from the review above, let me share an excerpt I took from the very end of the novel. You may accuse me of spoiling the novel, but I believe it'll draw you further into its Viking web.

"Jerome had become a good friend and patron to Jorund. Not only was he lending them his yacht for a one-week honeymoon, he had even offered to help finance the health club that Jorund planned to open—a club that would cater not to perfect, already fit people—mentally and physically—but to those who needed to hone the talents that God—or the gods had given them... to be the best that they could be. It was all about self-esteem, as Maggie, in her role of psychologist, had once told him."

Never you mind who Jerome is! Look now noble Jorund has become! He would like to help imperfect people hone their God-given talents! Is that even possible? Can God be honed? Jorund must be a miracle-worker! If this does not convince you to read the novel, I do not know what will.

Jon, may you weep no longer at having been deprived of the opportunity to study this great piece. If you feel inspired to write an essay or a hundred, I will read them all.

If you would like more information about this novel, please read the reviews here: http://www.amazon.com/Truly-Madly-Viking-Time-Your/dp/0505523876 or better yet, read the novel. You'll never be the same.

Yours truly, madly, Vikingly,

Susie

This email truly madly made my day. As a budding romance novelist myself (I figure it’s lucrative and requires no brains), I am inspired. Time travel, wild romance, and brawny men? Sounds like a winning combination to me! Though I’d argue this novel appears to be an exploration of the eternal question—who am I and where do I belong? Deep, deep.

Despite all the pep talks of myself and my fellow teachers, I was still not looking forward to attacking another week of work, especially when I woke up with the beginnings of a monster cold. I have a sneaking suspicion I have hypochondriac tendencies so my illness was most likely exaggerated in my mind, but this was still not the way I wanted to face my arch-nemesis: fourth grade. Alas, I went to school anyway and was one for three. Yes, not ideal, but on days like today I am willing to cut my losses. Tomorrow will be better…I hope!

I noticed today in class that several of my students have shirts and/or outfits that say “Little Bride” on them. I’m not sure if it’s a brand or just a popular slogan, but how disturbing! And this combined with the recent emergence of lipstick-slicked mouths on my sixth-grade girls…too much, I tell you.

This afternoon I went to samulnori for the first time. I Bin is in the class, too, it turns out, as are many of my sixth graders and a smattering of fifth and fourth grade students. They are all students I really like so I am glad to spend the extra time with them. Unfortunately, samulnori is just as difficult as I expected. I thought perhaps there would be a beginning section or something, especially at the beginning of the school year when I presume new students are starting, but no. They were all really advanced and most of the time I was left just bobbing my head. I tried to read the music, but it was a complete mystery. I did learn how to sit at the janga (my instrument of choice—an hourglass-shaped drum) how to hold my two sticks, and how to hit the drum…sort of. I think I will have to practice outside of this class if I will ever really learn because I just can’t keep up with them except in a few select parts. It was fun, but I did feel just as silly as I expected, fumbling around on a musical instrument while my miniature students beat confidently and rhythmically. It’s a good thing I’ve built up an immunity to embarrassment!

Today I went to a later TKD class. I ran there and back and it was a good workout. For once, I don’t feel full to burst after dinner and that makes me happy. There is this one former student of mine in TKD and he is just cracking me up. He was in my enrichment class next semester and was perhaps my least favorite student of all time, but he’s growing on me now that he’s not my responsibility (and never will be again—he’s in middle school now, fortunately). He’s just a complete drama king. In fact, he told me today he is a king and when I told him he was too short to be a king, he puffed up and proclaimed, “No, I am BIG!” And then when we were practicing kicks at the end, I gave him a couple high fives and he would crumple up on the floor, fake sobbing his little heart out. It was highly amusing for me as the onlooker only at this point. What a strange kid!

Now I am feeling marginally less like death and thinking perhaps I need to restrain myself in upcoming weekends away. Goodness knows I have no desire to be isolated, overworked, lonely, AND sick!

DDP (Daegu Dance Party)--Sunday, March 11

This past weekend I participated in a wild ETA get-together in Daegu, fondly referred to as DDP (Daegu Dance Party). It was very fun, but now I am wiped out and missing 2.5 earrings plus most of my dignity. However, I think I gained about ten pounds, so it all evens out in the end.

On Friday I had to teach second and sixth grades. Second grade was a nightmare—I forgot how energetic they are!—but both of my sixth grade classes were spectacular. It was nice to end the week on a good note like that.

I started out to Gumi to stay with my friend Janaki after lunch. It was a long afternoon of travel—two buses, an hour’s walk, and another train—but I finally arrived at dinnertime after only a few mishaps. First, I was unable to transfer money fom my Korean account to my American one because I forgot to bring my bank book to Buyeo, so that will have to wait another week. Meanwhile, I am racking up credit card debit. Ugh. Second, my walk from the Daejeon bus station to the train station was much longer than planned and this significantly lengthened my travel time. I like to walk, so it was fine for me, but poor Janaki, waiting on me…my phone nearly ran out of batteries, so I couldn’t call her. But I finally did arrive, bearing strawberries and books. I was given a tour of scenic downtown Gumi (nothing too spectacular, but we didn’t spend much time on this and I’m sure there’s a lot more here I’d like to see). She took me out for Japanese-Korean fusion food, which was an interesting experience because I knew none of the names of the dishes so ordering something vegetarian was somewhat of an adventure. I also met her host family—a very nice English-speaking family of four, with a ninth-grade boy and a fifth-grade girl. They lived in Utah at one point, so they are very good at English. It was so strange for me to be in a situation where Koreans actually spoke English! I am so accustomed to muddling my way through in Korean…I am reminded that my friends are all having very different Korean experiences than I. We ate a LOT of food at her house—first a second dinner of make-your-down kimbap (delicious, of course!) and then fruit and crackers for snack. It was basically like a slumber party, complete with snacks, pajamas, games, gossip, and fun. We probably really annoyed her family with our late-night giggles!

The next morning, we slept in and relaxed at Janaki’s house. We finally took a mid-afternoon train the half hour to Daegu, the third largest city in Korea in terms of population but the largest in size, to meet the crew. Not anxious for group activity quite yet, Janaki and I headed to Kyobo bookstore and the adjoining Starbucks first and happened to run into three of our friends there. First, though, we were sitting at this table next to this blond girl who just started chatting to us, presumably because we were whiteys. I actually really hate it when fellow Caucasians assume friendship and comradery on the simple basis of skin color. I mean, just ‘cause you’re white doesn’t mean I will like you. And plus, why are you so eager to reach out only to members of your own race? This girl was all right, I suppose, but kind of a ditsy Valley girl complete with highlights and immaculate makeup. A stark contrast to our rumpled twosome. I have to admit I was a bit peeved when I found out she’d been here only two months, didn’t know a single word of Korean, but already had a hot Korean boyfriend. Is there no justice?!? Luckily, we didn’t have to talk to her for long, though, before she left and Bianca, Dana, Susie, and Christina’s friend Taylor mysteriously materialized. This guy Taylor knew Christina in high school and was visiting for a bit on his world tour back home from his Peace Corps stint in the South Pacific. I was reminded again of just how much I’d like to do the Peace Corps…I must not let that opportunity slip away! I am constantly afraid I will suddenly be overcome with baby fever and that will be the end of my travels for the time being.

Anyway…we just walked around for a while that afternoon and then went to our hotel (a REAL hotel this time!!) I stayed with Bianca, Dana, and Janaki and I was really happy about that because they are perhaps my three favorite people in this country. They’re all just hysterical. Dana is a constant surprise—a Florida farmer accustomed to fighting gators/cultured metrosexual European/chain-smoking Iron Man athlete. And enormously funny to boot. And Bianca and Janaki, of course, have been my good friends for months now. Dana is in somewhat of a similar situation in that he’s very rural and isolated and he was trying to give me a pep talk after I mentioned how the start of this semester had been less than ideal. He had a horrible first semester, but is now loving Korea and we are all very happy he’s had this change of heart. I’m not too worried about my loneliness and drooping spirits, really—I’m content to ride it through because I am certain it’s only temporary and will soon pass. It was nice to be reassured and reminded of how much support I do have here, however. The whole crew ended up in our room somehow, bullshitting and gossiping and, in Dana and Susie’s case, doing facials, before we all headed out for the evening. And boy, was it a wild one! We went to two bars before hitting up a club, constantly adding people until there must have been thirty all together, counting Jen Sohn’s EPIK friends. They led us to the second bar, a Chinese place featuring strong, cheap, and disgusting liquor. Needless to say, we purchased quite a bit of that! And then we essentially closed down the club…Dana, Janaki, Bianca, Laura, Taylor, and I were there until past five! It was a really fun place. I’m sure all the alcohol I consumed had something to do with it, but it was packed and they played good music and it was nice to dance once more. I haven’t really done much of that since Cape Town, when it was at least a weekly event! I ended up dancing a lot with this Korean guy, surprisingly, but at one point he randomly told me I was mean for no apparent reason, so I of course had to stalk off. I have no idea where this came from, but I was quite upset at the time. While I am willing to admit that I am a mean person at times, I certainly was not to him! At least, not yet…But all in all, it was a fun night, and capping it off with street food and McDonald’s breakfast was just icing on the cake. We must have been quite a sight, staggering back to our hotel as everyone else was waking up…

There were some touristy things I wanted to do in Daegu—find some temples, go on some hikes, etc.—but when I woke up this morning after three hours of sleep I really didn’t feel up to it, so I just headed home. It’s a good thing I did, too, because what with the travel time, waiting for trains and buses, walking across Daejeon, and Costco, I still didn’t get home until almost seven! This is why I haven’t seen much in Korea…traveling is so difficult! Laura told me she managed to get Fridays off this semester and I’m so jealous. I guess I could have, should have, asked for this, but I don’t really feel comfortable asking for more when I’m given so much already. I might see if we can rearrange my Friday afternoon class, but other than that, I am happy enough with my situation.

And now, it’s time to prepare for another loooong week of screamin’ brats….

Dinner Party Pt. 3--Thursday, March 8

I’m not really sure why my school is going so wild with the dinner parties lately, but this is the third one we’ve had in two weeks, for increasingly obscure reasons. First it was a goodbye party for our departing teachers—Choi Hyun Moon, a kindergarten teacher, a fifth grade teacher, and the P.E. teacher (I never learned the latter three’s names…oops). And somehow we lost our nurse from last year, mysteriously and without a party. Then last week we had a welcome party for the new teachers. And tonight was another welcome party. I hope this continues, honestly. It’s a bit awkward for me at dinner sometimes because I can’t really participate in conversation and everyone fusses over and even coddles me, but we eat AMAZING food. Even when it’s 95% fish, I still manage to eat well. Tonight, we had grilled meat and while everyone was busily cooking and putting together their meat/lettuce/hot sauce/garlic combinations, I was happily chowing down on the vegetable side dishes, most of which had been set aside especially for me. Glazed squash, garlic mushrooms, garlic spinach, acorn jelly, tofu, bean sprouts….oh, it was good. I am really spoiled as far as food is concerned in Korea—my host mother is a fantastic cook, and when I go out, it’s usually with other teachers so we eat really well. It’s done much to increase my love for Korean food. I am even getting to where I like kimchi!

After dinner, we went to a norebang again, but this time everyone came for at least a little while. They all tried to get me to sing a song (and were requesting ridiculous things I’d never heard of in my life…I mean, there’s no way I’m singing Kenny G!). I felt bad saying no because just about everyone sang at least one song, but really…these pipes are not made for solos, except to myself. There’s a reason I don’t sing much in my classes, folks!

And speaking of music, I told my co-teacher today of my desire to learn samulnori (traditional Korean drumming) and I’m going to start on Monday. I’m really excited for that. It’s headed by two of my favorite teachers and I think I love all the students who do samulnori.

This weekend, it’s off to Gumi to visit Janaki and then Daegu for some typical ETA madness. I am looking forward to it, but I don’t think there’ll be enough time for all I want to do. There are some temples I’d like to visit by Daegu, but somehow when I am with the other ETAs, we never end up doing anything but eating and drinking. Fun in its own right, I suppose. I also have a lot of work to do, unfortunately, and I think that’ll put a damper on things, not to mention cut my weekend short. Sigh. Why oh why did I choose a profession with HOMEWORK?!?

The lion continues roaring...--Wednesday, March 7

I was informed today that the recent flurries and lingering cold spell is not typical Korean weather for March. Whew! Maybe I will survive in this country after all. I woke up this morning to surprise blanket of white, and while it did melt during the day, on my way out this evening snow started falling again with a vengeance. I usually don’t mind snow all that much—it’s much better than rain, because at least you can be outside in the snow and not get drenched!—the recent warm spell had led me to believe spring was well on its way and I was sorely disappointed to see that hope dashed. Hopefully this crazy weather will stop soon so I can enjoy the lovely Korean cherry blossom-scented spring I’ve heard so much about!

This morning I went to school completely unmotivated to teach, and lucky for me, the students had a test today, so I didn’t have to teach after all. Except one of my third grade classes showed up—SURPRISE! And they were naughty, too…I was none too happy about that. But they did remember the whole “What’s your name?/My name is _____” conversation we went over in December, so I was pleased with that, at least. Even the students I didn’t have last year caught on quickly.

I spent the rest of the day trying to organize my teaching materials into a more coherent mess. Mostly, I just did a good job of making a bigger mess. It’s funny how massive re-organization always involves a stage where everything is in complete disarray. It’s the stage I’m in right now and it makes things in my room very interesting. I was surprised to see how much stuff I have accumulated so far…I really went crazy in making classroom materials last semester, clearly!

I ate lunch with some of my sixth grade girls again today. They always want to eat with me and I enjoy eating with them, too, because communication is at least a little better than with, say, my second graders. Plus, they are really cute girls. Two of them are seriously into me for unknown reasons. I sat next to one today (I think her name is Yoo Jin) and she scooted over so she was literally right next to me and could barely use her right arm to eat. It was really funny. I will be teaching them for the first time tomorrow and I hope it goes well. Their teacher is my new co-teacher, Kim Jeong Sook.

This afternoon, some other sixth grade girls came to clean my room like they have been doing every day so far this semester. It’s been getting really dirty because we’ve been doing a lot of cutting and pasting, making our English name tags, and I guess the girls aren’t really happy about it. They wrote me a note on the board that read: “Jan library ground don’t dirty please!” Ooops. Guess they’re going to be even more mad when it happens again tomorrow and the next day.

I left school early again today for taekwondo. I hope none of the other teachers are secretly resenting me for leaving over an hour early because I really don’t want to do evening TKD again. It really kills my evenings to be gone until 7:30 every night. Add my tutoring commitments three times a week, and my life is pretty much over. The downfall of this new schedule is that there are many more students at 4pm. As in, there are typically 20 rambunctious boys and me. It’s fine most of the time, but they can be distracting (though it is fun to see the teacher crackin’ them with his big wooden stick…so medieval and corporal, but so amusing, especially for one who sometimes longs to do the same…). Today we learned routines and the teacher took the day to teach me individually. He’s so nice about helping me along. It’s really too bad I’m a terrible TKD student. My flexibility’s great now, after all these months of stretching, but my coordination’s still nonexistent. Sigh.

Tonight I went out to dinner with another teacher my age, Park Hye Ok, who is my age and teaches at Changhwa Elementary School. It is in the Hongsan vicinity, but is very small—38 students in all, she told me tonight. I met her last semester and we did a few things together, but she was so shy that our outings were always awkward and laced with long silences and they gradually petered out. She started off strong this semester, however, and contacted me right away about tutoring and spending time together. Tonight I found out why. I mean, we probably would have spent some time together anyway, because I think she is bored living in Hongsan with her parents, but now she has added motivation to learn English: she is the new English teacher at her school. So she’s been studying a lot and wants to practice more with me. And I’m game…I need the company, too. And her English has improved tremendously already. In her text messages, though, she kept saying “I will touch you later” and that really amused me. I’m so childish. Other than pronunciation and these little usage errors, though, it’s pretty good. We had soondubuchigae, a spicy tofu/bean curd soup that I really like, and she took me to a bookstore to buy me a present. Too bad they only had two real English books—something from Mitch what’s his name who writes all those tearjerkers, and this one of motivational sayings from a Korean monk. I chose the latter—at least it’s cultural. Plus, on the book jacket, it described the guy as Korea’s Thoreau…figured he must have something good to say.

And since I do have to teach tomorrow (unless this snowstorm morphs into a blizzard like I secretly hope), I must go to bed now. Oh, I do not want to work tomorrow!

COLD.--Tuesday, March 6

Winter is back and vengeful. Prior to last Friday, I was thinking that a) I missed out on the rest of winter and it was now spring, or b) I was being a weenie and winter was never really that bad. No longer. It’s damn cold again. As in, I typically wear 4-5 layers and I barely make it through the day. This tropical wildflower is wilting under the meteorological mistreatment!

I had my second day today, teaching the same students as yesterday, and it went all right. A little nervous about seeing the younger kids tomorrow because some of them have a history of rambunctiousness, but hopefully it will be okay. I am feeling a little less patient and sociable lately and this is not contributing to my performance outside the classroom—I am avoiding the other teachers and the students’ visits are driving me up the wall—but luckily this hasn’t leaked into the classroom…yet. I have suddenly found my spirits to be a bit dampened and I am wondering where all my optimism and positivism fled to, just as I was thinking they were here to stay.

Today I didn't even have to use my AK...--Monday, March 5

I couldn’t bring myself to write yesterday. It was day of blah and absolute nothingness and I didn’t want to dwell on it any longer. I had my first bout of real homesickness this weekend and it drained me. I was trying to go to sleep on Saturday night (after another day of hard work and honestly, not much else) when it suddenly hit me that I’ve been out of my family and friends’ lives so long now and I will be for quite a bit longer. I’ve always missed them, but it’s been more of a feeling like yes, I would like to see you, but I can’t and that’s okay and I just won’t dwell on it. This time, I actually missed them as in I needed them all to be there with me in that moment and there was no possible way for that to happen and it nearly broke my heart. I think I even cried. I’ve been really lonely lately and I think that sparked it. I’m not sure how and why I survived all these months in Hongsan without an instant of loneliness, but I seem to be making up for it this week. I am certain it will get better as the semester gets underway and I am back to work all the time, but for now, I am definitely missing the presence of my family and friends.

Anyway, today was a good day for several, countable, reasons.

1. 67% lesson success rate. Sure, it’s lower than I usually aim for, but for the first lessons of the year, it’s not too shabby at all! And when you only have three in one day…well, it could have been much worse. My kindergarten lesson just fell flat. I’m not really sure what to do with the younger kids. I feel they are a bit young to focus so strongly on literacy activities like I did last year, but I’m not much of a singer and I’m not sure what to do with them otherwise. I could definitely do it if I wasn’t teaching them a completely foreign language, but that hampers our relationship a bit. At least I got to see all the cuties and get my weekly (over)dose of hugs and today, kisses!

2. Complete success with the rascally class. Yes, that’s right. The class that formerly made me cry was 40 minutes of nearly pure bliss today. ‘Nuff said there.

3. Kids are taking their lessons home. I was sitting upstairs this afternoon, working on lesson plans for tomorrow, when I was visited by two first graders. (Well, they were there on and off all afternoon, alternatively looking at books and me.) Almost all of them, it seems, are new this year—I’m not really sure where they all came from—but they all know who I am. They yell, “Jennipah sonsengnim!” as I walk by, and then run away. It’s cute. But anyway, these kids randomly broke out into the alphabet song as we were (sort of) talking, and I KNOW that most kids their age don’t know it, unless they’ve sung it 35 times with me. And then they knew a bunch of words in English…well, it didn’t take me long to realize they must have older siblings who taught them this. I was so proud of my kids! I didn’t realize the extent to which they’d been taking this home…no wonder parents love me! It’s so nice to work with these younger kids because they are actually excited about learning and use it whenever they can. Enthusiasm makes my job a lot easier and I’m hoping to keep up the English enthusiasm all the way through elementary school. It will more than likely be completely killed in the first few weeks of middle school, but that’s beyond my control right now.

4. Michael Ann sent me a letter. Michael Ann was one of the students in the Oakmont Elementary class in which I volunteered three times a week all last year. I was really happy to hear from her because she’s the only one so far to send me anything beyond the letters they all wrote to me in class one day (I’m sure this was an assignment, but I was still happy to receive them!). I’d been about to give up on them. She even sent me a picture and it’s the cutest thing—she’s holding a basketball with a big smile on her face, big purple ribbons on the end of her braids, standing in front of a clearly fake background of a basketball court complete with fans in the stands. Priceless.

5. I’m rich. Well, not really, but I had my account balanced at the bank today—Korean conveniently banks print out every transaction you make into a little account book—and I have almost $2000 more than I thought I did. I don’t know how that happened, but it almost makes up for the fact that I am 28 cents in the hole at home with two outstanding credit card bills. Oops.

6. Tonight we had delicious food. I came home tonight to freshly roasted sweet potatoes, my favorite winter food, and the little kids and I had a nice afterschool snack together. Then, we finally got more eggs (I am thinking perhaps they are farm fresh and that’s why we don’t always have them) and I had a lot of them for dinner. And finally, to top things off, host dad came home with ddok, my favorite dessert. I am Thanksgiving-dinner stuffed and feeling a bit gross, actually.

I love good days.

If you can't pull it, all you gotta do is push it along...--Saturday, March 3

It’s bedtime and I am sitting at home in Hongsan. I really wanted to do something this weekend, but it looks like it’s not in the cards with all the work I suddenly have to do. I went to school early this morning to get my schedule and prepare some things for my Monday classes, and then I spent the afternoon writing up some lesson plans. I had serious ambitions to revamp my curriculum at the end of last semester, but predictably laziness set in and now I’m having to cram weeks of planning into a single weekend. Such is life, I suppose. It’s still going fairly well, for now…we’ll see how all my careful plans work out in the actual classroom! I have learned more about teaching than I thought, however—looking back on my old plans is almost embarrassing!

Tonight I watched the series finale of the OC. It was somewhat of a sad experience for me…in retrospect, this show has basically defined the last two years of my life. It’s been a constant companion—first in South Africa, where it was a household bonding experience, then that summer of 2005 with Bridget (who probably shouldn’t have watched it, but it was nice to have a companion), and finally last year, when it was a staple of my Thursday night, the only night of fun I allowed myself. The madness reached the point where I didn’t know what to do with myself if it happened to not be on for a particular week. Yes, I know the first season was the best and I’m not particularly attached to the show’s merits as such. It was more of the ritual of watching it that I will now miss forever. I’m really sad that I never got to watch it in real time again after last May’s finale. I suppose it will be on cable eventually and date me as a turn-of-the-century child.

Tomorrow I want to go on a hike but it’s supposed to rain. I’m not happy about this at all.

Back to Skoo--Friday, March 2

Today was the first day of the new school year. It felt a bit like putting on a pair of jeans that shrunk in the dryer—it’s vaguely familiar, but constricting at first. Gradually, though, it will be a comfortable, reassuring fit once again. At least, I hope so…

It was a day of tedium, at least. We had an assembly this morning for what felt like an eternity but was probably only 40 minutes or so. I counted two boys with permed hair—two too many, in my opinion. Whose mom lets their son do that?!? I also finally found out who would be teaching what classes, and boy was that a surprise! Basically, we’re playing musical teachers here. Of the ten teachers at the school, we only lost two who actually teach. And of the remaining eight, only two remain at the same positions. Everyone else has scattered every which way—the former first grade teacher is teaching sixth grade, along with the former second grade teacher; the former fourth grade teacher has moved down to second grade; the other second grade teacher is now doing first grade; and everyone else is…not teaching. There are new teachers for third and fourth grade. I’m not really sure what’s going on. It seems much more chaotic than it has to be, but who am I to judge? I always thought the great thing about being an elementary school teacher was teaching the same level, year after year, with the chance to improve all the time and gradually build a stellar curriculum. This is evidently not the line of thought the Korean school system has adapted. I thought it was bad enough that teachers moved from school to school all the time, but this?!? Seriously…it almost seems like a joke. But as long as whoever is teaching the bratty fourth graders sets them straight, I’m happy enough with the situation.

I spent the rest of the day trying to get some curriculum ideas in order, operating under the assumption that I would have over a week to do so. It was slow work—my brain is not used to coming up with teaching ideas at the moment. I guess there are certain similarities between mental and muscular fitness after all—you’ve gotta work it or lose it. And once you lose it, the skills are slow to come back. At least I’m starting off with more than I had at the beginning of the last semester. Namely, I have a CLUE.

I saw a lot of my students today because many of them stopped to say hi to me. I was happy to see that I am still able to communicate okay with them. I really do need to learn more, though, or our conversations will always consist primarily of “Where are you going?” It’s reassuring to at least know I haven’t forgotten anything—I just don’t know much to begin with! They were excited to ask where I’d been and I think were a little amazed at the extent of my winter break travels.

And then the tedium resumed with a surprise 90 minute teacher meeting that concluded the school day. I paged through the forty plus pages I was given, but I could only decipher four—the title page (half of which was the date and the other half of which was Hongsan Elementary School), the two pages in the middle with the school year schedule (not much vacation at all…boo!!), and the final page with the names of each teacher listed (but I only know four of them…). Good work, Jen. I tried to listen sometimes, but I really had no idea what was going on. I know he was talking about me for a while because I heard my name and the Korean word for English, but what it was about is beyond me.

After that, we went out to dinner in Buyeo. Raw fish again. It was okay, but there definitely wasn’t enough delicious vegetarian fare. It was pretty uneventful for the most part, but I did enjoy the few English words my principal and vice principal employed. The principal, after forcing a soju shot down my throat, pointed to my new co-teacher, had her translate the word for co-teacher, and bellowed, “Choi Hyun Moon (my old co-teacher) get out!” and pointed to her. “Okay? Okay?” Yes, we had this conversation exactly one week ago. And then the vice principal kept encouraging me to drink what he called Korean whiskey but I think was some kind of ginseng wine. He kept shaking his head and muttering, “Korean whiskey.” It was a sight.

I went out to the norebang with some of them, too. I’ve never been with the teachers before and it was sure an experience. I didn’t know I was teaching among such singing superstars! This one guy scored 100 every time he went, I think, which must have been at least five times. They kept trying to get me to sing, but there was absolutely no way I was going to comply. I am not about to subject them to my voice, especially when I have my stepfather’s snide comment about my singing still ringing in my ears. The old sixth grade teacher (who evidently is not teaching anymore) kept pointing to songs with the words “kiss” or “sexy” and telling me to sing them. Now, he is usually the nicest guy, which makes this behavior even funnier. But they were all talking to me more than normal—that is, they said at least one word each. The one guy who does the bookkeeping tried to talk to me a couple times, and we’ve never exchanged more than hello before! What gives? Though I did not sing, I did dance a couple numbers with my principal (he kept hiking his pants over his paunch) and one other skinny elderly teacher (he had surprisingly wild moves). A night to remember, in any case. It almost softens the news I received at the end—I am in fact teaching on Monday and my co-teacher wants my semester teaching plans ASAP. WHOA. And I don’t even have a teaching schedule yet! So I am unfortunately school-bound tomorrow, trying to get this all together for Monday. Big boo.

A Crisis--Thursday, March 1

On this, the day of celebrating Korean independence from Japanese occupation, I found myself thinking about a book I recently read called The Alchemist, written by Paulo Coelho. It’s a fairly spiritual book about following your dreams, essentially. The main character learns to overcome his inertia and fear to do what he really wants to do—find treasure—and is ultimately quite successful because he learns to listen to his heart, etc. It is a very heart-warming story in many ways, but I was thinking today that it really doesn’t mirror the real world at all. Sure, for many people, it is simply their own fears that stand in the way of achieving their dreams and given the willpower, they will be successful. I’m sure this book is helpful for them, much in the same way it could perhaps be beneficial to me. But then there are a great many people who face much greater obstacles in life and it’s not simply a matter of becoming brave or strong that will transform their futures. How terrible is this? Some of us have the opportunity to do whatever we want, be who we want, and we need a silly fable to spur us on the path of goodness and happiness, while there are others who would kill for the same position but are coldly and firmly rejected?

I was spurred to this train of thought in responding to a recent letter I received from a former student of mine in South Africa. I worked with a volunteer organization at the University of Cape Town when I studied abroad there in the spring of 2005 and taught environmental education to some high school students in Khayelitsha, a very poor township near the city. I’ve been sending some of them infrequent postcards, but I hadn’t heard from any of them in over a year and was finally about to give up on them. This particular student was very bright and wonderfully kind. I remember when my mom visited he was so nice to her—just the perfect gentleman. He wrote to offer his congratulations on my job and to tell me about his current situation. He apparently graduated last year and has spent the time since then trying to find a way to continue his studies, to no avail, and now he’s broken up about it. The note had more than a tinge of potential suicide in it and I am very concerned about him. I really feel terrible, but what can I do? I have some money, sure, but not enough for tuition. Yet, I need at least try to do something or I might as well just hang up by hat as a sensitive and aware person right now and just give up on humanity in general. If I can’t even bother to help my friends who need it so, what does that say about the world? But then again, what does it say about the world when educational opportunity is so firmly barred to such a deserving person? For him, it’s not a matter of summoning the courage to follow his dreams. It’s a matter of cold hard cash, which is virtually impossible to get in a place like South Africa. I’ve been thinking about this for over a week now, since I received the letter, and I have no idea what to do. I suppose it’s most appropriate to follow the advice of Coelho himself, cast aside my fears, and follow my dream (or as he calls it, my “Personal Legend”). My dream, of course, is to make this world a better place in whatever way I can. How can I shun this opportunity? Oh, if only this were as easy as finding treasure!