I find it hard to believe it’s only Tuesday. What happened to the weeks just whippin’ by? At the end of last semester, I felt like I’d barely breathe and it would already be Friday! I suspect this feeling of slow-motion time is contributing a great deal to my current dissatisfaction with life. It’s hard to be happy and enthusiastic about life when you’ve only taught a third of your classes for the week and you’ve already screamed yourself hoarse. Okay, I don’t ever scream and I would probably be without a voice in the near future, anyway, with this cold knocking me sideways like it is, but I still like to blame them. Especially those unceasingly demonic fourth graders. Today two of them decided to get into my desk, steal my paper clips, and start making paper clip trains in class. I was livid, what with the spilled tea incident of last week and the increasingly disrespectful attitude of my students. They’re lucky I’d already lent out all my scissors, the little brats!
Other than these isolated incidents with a couple of my classes, things have been going all right in the professional sphere. At least all my female students love me…sometimes I think they might die of pure, unadulterated ecstasy when they see me. It’s much more pronounced this semester, too…I think it just takes them a while to lose their shyness around me. And even some of the boys like me, especially the little boys. I saw one of my favorite second graders, Joo Hee, on several occasions today and he even let me give him big hugs. During one of these spine-crunching embraces, two of his classmates came up and started yelling, “Joo Hee love Jen!” I said, “I love Joo Hee!” and they all ran away screaming. I’m not sure where they learned that phrase, but I’m impressed they used it correctly. I’m also pleased to learn my love for this particular midget is not unrequited. I’ll give him, say, five years, though.
I was thinking on Friday how one of the big things I’ve struggled with is forming teaching plans. Now that I’ve decided to no longer teach the alphabet to my kindergarteners, for example, I’m at a complete loss of what to teach them. Second grade is better because I know the kids and can predict how they’ll respond to my teaching, but it’s still not easy to decide what to teach. I definitely like to follow guidelines or some sort of convention, as much as I like the freedom of teaching whatever I’d like. I can chalk it up to inexperience, perhaps, but I think I am not alone in this. There is a universal tendency to follow, which makes complete sense. As they say, why reinvent the wheel? But sometimes I feel like I get stuck in a rut following someone else’s plans or ideas. And sometimes, too, I’m forced into doing so. I found out on Friday, I believe, that my students will be undergoing monthly conversation tests with their teachers. First, it doesn’t seem fair to the kids, because even I have trouble understanding some of the teachers’ accents. Second, could you possibly standardize tests more? I mean, a conversation dialogue? I think it would be better to have me do the tests, both because I can actually speak English and I can phrase it in different ways to more accurately gauge their understanding. But then again, I suppose in Korea, where EVERYTHING is standardized, this would not be acceptable. And in a way, perhaps they’re right. Perhaps there should be more standardization, so we can make sure kids have equal access, and more objectivity, so they’re judged equally as well. At the same time, it just doesn’t sit well with me. And it puts a lot of pressure on me to teach what I often see as trivial phrases—for example, “What a tall tower!” Well, I’m not about to make serious waves, especially since I don’t actually know what I’m talking about, having taught for only a few months and knowing virtually nothing on the subject. Plus, it does make it easier for me to have this plan to follow. Essentially, my tendency toward laziness is stronger than my individualistic life outlook.