Seeing Green--Friday, December 29

So today was my big sam jang test, otherwise known as the one that would catapult me into the ranks of the verde-belted, and what do you know…I passed! I was a little nervous because ALL of the kids were watching my every move, of course, and I sorta messed up my kicks, but it was all right because at the end of the lesson he handed me my new belt and I was elated. I messed up my Korean when I was trying to tell him I would be gone the next few months and I definitely couldn’t say why, but he just told me to practice at home so I think it’s okay. Now I only have blue and red to conquer before I attack black. I actually don’t know if I’ll make it that far by next summer, especially since the upcoming forms—4, 5, 6, 7, and 8—all look very challenging, but at least I am progressing and am no longer the absolute worst in the class.

My winter break classes are going well now. They weren’t so great the first day, but I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that half the students had never seen me before and they were nervous. The class has really come together now and we are having a lot of fun, I think. I only have 18 students and no real behavior problems except one boy who talks all the time and disrupts three other boys, but it’s not a big deal. The new students are all really sweet and attentive…I wish they were Hongsan students so I would see them again next week! We were learning body parts today and they were trying to teach me all of them in Korean. I have a few down, but they are definitely doing better with the English names than I am with the Korean ones. It probably helps that they had two hours of practice today, but I think they are also just incredibly sharp as well. I taught them ten new words today (they already knew six from school and probably TV or something) and they were totally on top of them. I was really impressed…I don’t know if I could do the same! Actually, I distinctly remember failing miserably in Korean vocabulary drills. So my students are probably smarter than me…that’s fine by me, as long as we can get along in class!

I realized today that not only have I been fortunate enough to find myself in the perfect circumstances to begin living more simply, but I am pretty much becoming a hippie. I wash only once every four or five days, I don’t shave, I wear the same clothes all the time, I never buy anything but books and food, I spend a lot of time knitting, reading, and being contemplative, and I walk everywhere. It’s amazing and I love it. I’m also pretty sure I eat mostly organic, but I’m not exactly sure where most of my food comes from. It is local at the very least, which has always been more appealing to me if I had to choose between the two. Basically, my life consists of eating fresh, local vegetables, walking to school, teaching hordes of impossible (y cute) little children, and reading. True, I do spend a lot of time on my computer, lesson-planning, emailing, and goofing around, and I’ve also become addicted to Youtube TV shows, but still…life is pretty sweet. The culmination of my post-college dream, really, minus the decidedly non-tropical weather and lack of ocean breezes.

Tomorrow I’m going to Seoul to celebrate New Year’s Eve. I’m gonna make a whole weekend out of it, actually. I’m not sure what I’ll do if it doesn’t warm up, but I suppose Seoul has enough museums during the day and clubs at night to keep me warm and entertained. I’m excited to go because it’s my first time celebrating New Year’s Eve not in Bozeman or on an airplane. I always hated the night because there were such high expectations for it and it always fell far short, but I think it will be fun this year. I’ll have good company and plenty of entertainment (provided both by them and the city itself)…what more could you ask for to help you ring in the new year?

Janaki's Visit--Thursday, December 28

For the past two days I have been enjoying the company of a lone visitor to Hongsan—my friend Janaki. She came to get away from her home base in the industrial city of Gumi for a while before picking her mom up in Incheon. It was really nice to see her and have some company in Hongsan—I get so few visitors here!—and I ended up learning a lot about my area, actually. Unfortunately, I had to teach the winter camp every afternoon, all afternoon, so I could not devote the time to entertaining that I wished, but I think we both still had fun.

I am attending a different TKD class right now because the winter break times are different, so I am learning with mostly new people. They are not used to me yet, making the situation a bit uncomfortable for me with all their stares and attention, but it’s going okay. Except that the kid who made my 5/6 grade chat class such a challenge is in there. I swear, I saw red when I walked in and saw him. He’s actually pretty cute outside the classroom—unsurprisingly, as most of the troublemaker are once you’re not responsible for them—and he is starting to grow on me. And it doesn’t hurt that he now tells me I’m beautiful and gives me a knowing wink. Man, I’m so easy! This does not mean I want to teach him again, however…in fact, one of my great fears is that I’ll walk into class on Tuesday (when I start the 5/6 winter break class) and he’ll be smiling mockingly back at me. Though I do like doing taekwondo earlier in the day so I have my nights to myself again, I do miss the kids in my old class—they are pretty great! Yesterday I finally mastered the third form and did it once all by myself for the first time. I was so stoked! It’s been plaguing me for weeks! And I’m just in time, too…we’re having a test tomorrow! If I understand correctly (always a lofty assumption), if I pass I will finally earn that elusive green belt I’ve been working toward since August. Yipee!!! Too bad I don’t completely remember the routines and had to look them up online to make sure I did know them. [If you’re interested in seeing them, go to http://www.natkd.com/tkd_forms.htm for the videos. Taegeuk Il Jang (Il means one) is the one I had to do to earn my yellow belt for real. I passed Taegeuk Ee Jang (2) a while back and now I’m on to Taegeuk Sam Jang (Sam means three).] There would be nothing more embarrassing than failing a test all of the seven-year-olds in the room have passed long ago. I’m excited about the possibility of moving on before I leave for two months and most likely forget everything I learned.

In the little free time I had outside teaching and TKD the past couple days, I did my best to show Janaki a good time. It was also pretty darn cold starting yesterday, so that hindered our plans a bit. The first night, the 26, we went out to dinner in Hongsan. It was only the fourth time I’d ever done that and the first time without teachers or family. I think Janaki was appalled at the monastic lifestyle I lead here, what with no going out and no outside entertainment and it was interesting at least to see it from another’s perspective. I guess I could get out more, but why? I am busy enough and immersed in Korean life as it is. I’ve wanted to lead a minimalistic life for a long time but never had resolve enough to really try. Who knew I would take the first real steps in materialistic Korea, of all places! After talking to Janaki, I am realizing more and more how unique and perfectly suited to me my situation is. Most families don’t live as simply as mine (granted, mine lives about the most simply of any family I’ve ever seen…I think the only thing we buy is food!), but I don’t think I would be nearly as happy with what seems to be the typical Korean family. I was looking for something simple and I was fortunate enough to find it. I thought I’d lucked out in the beginning and my good fortune seems only to have increased through my time here (not considering the hell of my third grade classroom, that is). I seriously could not ask for more for more wonderful circumstances for a perfect year in Korea and I know it. It’s almost enough to make me want to stay—something I am still thinking about—but today I am leaning toward not continuing another year. I just think about all the other places I want to not only visit, but stay for an extended time, and then the idea of two whole years here is not that appealing in comparison. What will be hard is saying goodbye and knowing that most likely I will never come back. It makes me sad to even think about it.

Today I took Janaki into Buyeo for a morning of sightseeing. We woke up to snow and perhaps the coldest day I’ve yet experienced in Korea, unfortunately, but defeat was never an option so we set off anyway. Janaki’s bag was heavy and the wind was bitter in Buyeo so we didn’t head up the “mountain” to the fortress as I’ve done a few times more. Instead, we whipped out the map and headed toward new territory. This was actually pretty exciting because I finally got a good feel for the city of Buyeo (which is surprisingly tiny—I think you could walk around it in an hour!) and saw some of the other Baekje history it has to offer. There are quite a few historical sights here I’d never bothered to see. Today we went to Pond, which features the first recorded construction of a manmade island in the middle. It must be really beautiful in any other season, but today it was bleak and cold and somewhat miserable. It’s flat, too, so the wind was strong there. We didn’t last a long time. Then, we went to Buyeo National Museum, which features old artifacts from prehistoric times up through the Baekje Kingdom period. Evidently, the whole province is a good place to study prehistoric man’s life on the Korean peninsula. It wasn’t that exciting, to be honest, but I did finally get to see this incense burner in person that is such a big deal around here. It’s a really beautiful and intricate bronze sculpture. I’m not quite sure why exactly it’s so special, except maybe because it’s pretty incredible artistry for the 500s.

Other than this visit, my time off is proving to be the perfect opportunity to catch up on emails, travel planning, knitting, and reading. I am currently immersed in On the Road, a Christmas present from Sam, and it is inspiring me to be a more adventurous traveler. Too bad I could never feel safe hitchhiking. Maybe once I have that black belt…

Notes from Korea--Monday, December 25

Christmas is more anticlimactic every year. I still remember counting down the days, hardly able to contain myself for excitement, and now it sweeps up on me and then is gone before I know it. I suppose it’s all a part of growing older—most everything seems to pass more quickly these days. Like college…where did all that time go?

At any rate, Christmas in Korea has been kind to me. I spent yesterday traveling to and from Daejeon, trying to find suitable presents for my host family. I tried, but I don’t think they liked them all that much. They were also probably overwhelmed. I don’t think gift-giving is a tradition in my house at least, if not the whole country. My host mother called me Santa and I think she was a little embarrassed they didn’t have anything for me. I wasn’t expecting or needing anything, though, so I hope they don’t go out of their way. We spent some time together this morning eating the muffins I brought back from Costco (my host mother asked if they were “Christmas cake”) and watching TV. I can’t complain…I got more sleep than I ever do at Christmases at home nowadays, with the little bros up-n-at ‘em earlier every year. They all went to church in the morning—my host mother stayed all day—while I took my customary walk, talked to the fam, and did some school stuff. There was a definite absence of the Christmas family time I’m used to, but it’s ok. I actually don’t feel as lonesome as I thought I might earlier this week. Christmas passed like almost any other day, besides the fact that I got an additional day off and calls from both the ‘rents. Yipee!

I feel to worn down right now to even be excited about my upcoming trip. The two weeks of teaching between me and vacation seems entirely too long and draining. I am sure I will become more excited as it draws nearer, but with almost all the planning done and now only the countdown left, I am done thinking about it until January 8, when I’ll have to pack like a madwoman. Good thing I already have appropriate conservative clothes!

I recently finished this book my friend Anurag lent me, Notes from Underground. I am currently immersed in some critical essays about the book which are helping me understand it a little better—my lack of an analytical mind, despite a liberal arts education, is always a hindrance in attempting to read and interpret literature! I still don’t think I like it that much, for all that I loved Crime and Punishment. Perhaps I wouldn’t even like that now. The ideas expressed in it just seem too dark and pessimistic for my current mindset and belief system. The entire book just struck me the wrong way. Dostoevsky seems to be saying that first of all, we are all very much concerned with how others view us. The “hero” of the story views himself as superior to every other character and indifferent to them in their inferiority, but he is constantly acting out in a way to prove, conversely, that he needs recognition from the reader and the other characters. This I can agree with. We all behave differently according to our audiences, and though some claim they don’t care what other people think, we all modify our behavior in anticipation of others’ reactions. Then again, who is to say we wouldn’t do the same thing, anyway? I’m sure psychological studies have been conducted on this question and it is an interesting one, but I won’t contend Dostoevsky this point. What I have a problem with is his apparent contention that we have an inexplicable and somewhat uncontrollable draw toward mean and nasty behavior The “hero” is constantly doing things out of malice and spite, saying that he is irresistibly drawn to acting in that way and it is seemingly out of his control, but I think that’s a flimsy excuse at best. You can choose what you want to do. Behavior isn’t pre-destined but can be controlled by the person in question. He is the one who has taken himself underground in his attempts at aloofness and superiority when it would be much more sensible and productive to alter the things in his life he can change—his behavior, for example—rather than lamenting the faults of others. It’s certainly not his right to pass moral judgment on them and it accomplishes nothing in the end except lead to his ostracization. In short, he seems to be a self-absorbed whiner and in his story I see no universal truths glimmering through. What an optimistic idealist I’ve become, and no one is more surprised than me!

A Black Christmas--Saturday, December 22

I was feeling pretty sick all day yesterday, so being hit with my late afternoon class on a day I had been told I wouldn’t have to teach was not exactly what I was hoping for, or even expecting. Perhaps predictably, the students I’d been told I was holding the class for (the ones from other schools) didn’t even show, so I just had my sixth graders. It wasn’t entirely bad because I do like those girls and this would be my last time with them, since they are going to middle school next semester. I had them make Christmas cards while we listened to Christmas music. Probably not the most productive lesson, but both parties are burnt out on learning, so it seemed only fair to end with something easy and fun. “White Christmas” came on the internet radio station, so I explained it to my students and one of the girls commented that we were having a “black Christmas.” Now there’s creativity with foreign language! I will definitely miss talking to them. Hagwon must have taught them a lot, because they can understand me better than anybody! (These are Korean academies that students begin attending as early as third grade—they add dramatically to a student’s workload, for by middle school already, most of them are at school or hagwon from 8 am to 10 pm!!) I am more and more certain that this is where students learn most of their English, because they certainly don’t learn much at school!

There was a farewell and congratulatory assembly in the morning, of course, and then all of us teachers and staff members went to the chairman’s house for lunch. He has a nice place in the mountains where many people stay in the summer—a guesthouse of sorts, I suppose. I was fed far too much, as usual, though I think we all had food comas of a fashion. It was a really nice meal and a good end to the year. I won’t be seeing any of them until March, I think, unless they come in during vacation (unlikely!) and some of them I won’t see ever again! It’s a little sad but the end was more anticlimactic than I anticipated. Maybe I’m just too used to goodbyes in my life to feel sad I won’t see some of my co-workers.

Today I just spent relaxing at home, trying to get over my cold and recover from my awful week in time to enjoy my Christmas and prepare for a third and fourth grade overload on Tuesday. Three hours a day of the suckers…I am not really looking forward to it. I just feel so defeated and done with teaching for now. I need a longer recovery than three days! Alas, that’s all that’s afforded me. I went on a long walk this morning and was joined, unexpectedly, by Ye Eun and Eun Ho. I have no idea why they wanted to come, but they did provide some amusement, even if they lagged behind and complained a little bit. Eun Ho laid down on the road a couple times, even, but he was always quick enough to jump up when I told him a car was coming (even if there weren’t cars for miles!). It was some good family time, at any rate. I’ve been slacking in that respect lately.

Tomorrow I am going to finish my Christmas shopping. I’m not really looking forward to it because it requires me to go to Daejeon, a big city that is a good two or three hours away by bus, but I can’t seem to find anything suitable nearer to home. Plus, I have gift certificates to a department store there, so I can get some nice things for them. It’s going to be a long day, though. Oh, I loathe Christmas shopping!

THE END (and none too soon)--Thursday, December 21

Yesterday was my worst day teaching EVER. I actually cried tears of frustration at the end, and I’m not even a crier! I think the last time I really cried was almost two years ago, as a matter of fact. Basically, what it boils down to is that I’ve completely lost control of my third grade class. I don’t know what has happened, but basically it’s just gotten progressively worse throughout the year. They have always been a challenge, but now the classroom has descended into chaos and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Back to the evidence….I had decided to stop teaching regular lessons and just do fun Christmasy and winter stuff with the kids this week. I was going to teach the third graders some Christmas words and then play some Christmas bingo with them. The lesson had worked perfectly with the fourth graders the day before. I’d like to note here that my fourth graders used to be just as unruly as my third graders, but for some reason their behavior paths have greatly diverged and fourth grade is now one of my favorite classes. They are so fun and responsive to everything I teach. They progressed from general wildness to falling out of their seats with enthusiasm to answer my questions. I have the feeling that if I could only solve this mystery of why the fourth graders decided to respond to me, perhaps I could learn to manage the third grade as well.

At any rate, the lesson never even had a chance to get off the ground. They began by running into the room, screaming and jumping on the furniture and everywhere. I suppose I’m making it sound worse than it is. There are definitely some really great kids in the class who do want to learn and are attentive and so on. But at least ten kids (all boys, OF COURSE) are completely disruptive every time, with increasing severity. They distract everyone else and I end up with a restless, willfully disobedient class. On Wednesday, I had to force some of them to sit down and then they just talked the whole time, completely ignoring me and getting the rest of the class involved. I couldn’t even start class! I spent about 10 minutes trying to get them to be marginally quiet, but I am already so sick of yelling in general and especially at them that I had to give up. I was seriously about to leave the class and go cry somewhere. I tried new seating arrangements, I tried ignoring the troublemakers…all of it has only made it worse, if anything. I didn’t have a backup plan prepared, so I just made them copy down some Christmas words and draw corresponding illustrations for the period and released them when they were done. It was completely worthless for English learning except as handwriting practice because they couldn’t even read the words and I didn’t get a chance to teach them how to say them, but I was hoping that work with a definitive goal (getting out of class) would entice them to get busy. But no. The troublemakers didn’t do it anyway and they all refused to leave, so I was stuck at the end with a classroom full of energetic children when I had been expecting just a few students whom I would FORCE to work. They finally left after I literally screamed at them, but kept coming back and hiding in the room. They seriously think that I’m just a big joke. I was finally left in peace and bawled for the first time in ages. Unless that scarf I was promised is actually a weapon of torture that commands obedience from my third grade students and I get it now, not next year, there is no way in hell I will even consider returning for more punishment at the hands of children.

I am absolutely at my wit’s end here. I have no idea how to go about teaching these children. I’ve tried ignoring troublemakers (hoping they’re just doing it for attention), but the other kids are always distracted and often amused by their antics, so that’s failed. I really hate to punish—I feel positive reinforcement is a better teacher—and even now that I want to, what can I do? Today I sent them out of the room if they were being too rowdy and told them not to come back, but that is not a good thing to do. It just teaches them that if they act badly enough, they won’t have to do English. I’ve tried having them sit out, but they just act like clowns for the general amusement of the class. I don’t think there’s anyone else I can look to for help, either. When there is another teacher there (which is essentially NEVER), they just have them sit at the back of the room with their hands on their head. That seems silly to me and I don’t think I’d be able to carry it out because they have absolutely no respect for me and would never ever listen. The other kids get really scared when I get mad (maybe because it’s only happened once and the sixth graders have consciences), but it doesn’t faze the GD third graders. I used to take the view that it was my fault as a teacher—I was failing to capture their attention and needed to keep trying different tactics until I did—but I don’t know what else I could possibly do. If they can’t even give me one second of attention, how can I ever reach them? I suppose if I were a better and more experienced teacher I would know what to do, but I don’t have any experience. Plus, I can’t even talk to the kids! They basically know no English because they won’t let me teach it to them! The troublemaking minority are determined to treat my class as a farce and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. I don’t know how I am ever going to make it through another class with them, let alone thirty+ more. I’ve dealt with plenty of discipline problems in the past and I’m sure I have more experience than most ETAs, but I’m still not very good at it. I’m never quite sure which is the most instructive and positive way to go about it. At any rate, it’s a difficult skill to learn and it’s always been a source of frustration and anxiety for me in the classroom. Why o why do these students have to make a hard job even harder for me?????

On a more positive note, today was my last day of teaching regular classes and they went really well, aside from the predictable third grade catastrophe that had me sleeping restlessly last night. Luckily, I had my fourth graders last and they were angelic, so I went out on a high note. We made Christmas cards and a lot of them made them for me, even though I only gave Mom and Dad as examples. The sixth graders also gave me many of their cards when we made them on Wednesday. I was touched, though I’m sure their parents would appreciate them more than me, the poor teacher with dozens of cards and no idea who most of them are from!

I received a surprising note today from one of my fifth grade students. It was amazingly good—long AND well-written! Sadly, I’m still not sure who it was, but I will try to find out tomorrow. She deserves some recognition for making my day!

I spent the afternoon in Buyeo trying to Christmas shop. It was unsuccessful for the most part, but I finally got an idea of what to get my co-teacher, which I have been agonizing over for months now. I would like to get nice presents for some of the teachers I work with, but I really hate picking things out for people I don’t know well. It’s the frugal environmentalist in me, I guess—I don’t want to get them something too stupid and cutesy and useless (amazingly almost impossible in Korea) and I also don’t want to get them something they don’t like. I hate giving gifts just to give. I’d rather just get or make things for people because it strikes me as something they like. But alas, that’s not really the way it works for me here. Oh, the agony of the holidays, and gift-giving in general!

Dinner with the Mothers' Club--Tuesday, December 19

Today the Mothers’ Club (equivalent to the female PTA, I suppose) took all of us at the school out to dinner in Hongsan. I was a little confused as to the purpose of the whole affair at first, but I guess it was mainly an opportunity for parents to talk with their children’s teachers over food and drink. Somewhat like parent-teacher conferences in America, but much less formal. I ended up sitting at the fifth grade table (because Choi Hyun Moon was there) and I had some awkward exchanges with parents. The awkwardness stems from a multitude of sources. First, I am really uncomfortable around Korean adults in general because I’m never quite sure of etiquette. I haven’t gotten much practice, being around kids all the time. I usually just bow and smile. Second, my Korean is absolutely terrible. However, people usually assume it is much worse than it is and even when I actually do understand (as I did much of the time last night—I was on fire!), they end up repeating themselves over and over, not believing I can understand a word, until they can find an interpreter, who more often than not mangles what they are trying to say. It’s funny some of the time, but doesn’t make for the most stimulating dinnertime conversation. People usually have to be wasted to even try communicating with me—otherwise, they are too embarrassed. I am the one who should be embarrassed, since I know so little of the language even after living here for over five months. I don’t see that changing in the near future, lazy student I am, so I am content with the status quo. Anyway, the third thing that makes communication with parents awkward is the fact that I know so few of the children’s names. It’s really shameful. They’ll introduce themselves as so-and-so’s mom, and I just have to nod and say yes. It’s terrible! I can’t even tell if their kid’s a boy or a girl! I’m working on learning names, but it’s so hard to learn names that don’t follow any pattern I am accustomed to.

So there I was, picking at the special side dishes brought out for the vegetarian, when I encountered my first bribe attempt. This nice lady, as it turns out, is the parent of perhaps my worst third grade student, whom I could gladly have throttled today and taken pleasure in his pain (more on this later). At this point I was feeling more kindly towards him, probably because I hadn’t taught him for a full week. She told me through my trusty interpreter that if I stayed another year, she would knit me a beautiful scarf next winter. Ha! I can knit, too, lady! I’m sure not staying for a scarf!...except, perhaps, if it were made of spun gold. Her son must be saying some good things about me at home for her to want me to stay so much. I guess he likes me well enough, even if he has absolutely no respect for me. Wait…I hope this is not a cause-effect relationship. At any rate, I was flattered that she was that happy with my presence at the school, for she probably has cause more than anyone else to feel employing me is a useless extravagance.

It was shortly after this that our good old long-winded principal stood up and made another lengthy speech. I think I am the only one who was paying attention, and I couldn’t even understand a word! There’s a peculiar Korean habit of not really listening to speakers (or at least, it seems that way to me). They just went about their eating, not looking at him at all the whole time he spoke. They didn’t talk to each other, either, but the whole thing just struck me as an interesting contrast to behavior in America. We would consider this extremely rude and conventional manners would dictate everyone to stop what they’re doing and listen carefully. I didn’t think it was bad—it just struck me as very different. I certainly wasn’t complaining when he called me up there and I had to give a little speech! Everyone watched me carefully, though…obscurity was not mine today. I was flustered and could only get out a hello and a bow before I darted back to my seat.

As the meal was winding down, I was sitting by some ladies who were just getting TRASHED. I always thought the male teachers went at it hard when we went out, but these women put anyone else I’d seen drinking in Korea to shame. They were just slammin’ bottles of soju like water. It was a funny sight…I could actually see them get drunk! They found out I drank some and insisted on me joining them for occasional shots (not like I protested). I think this was not met with approval by the other teachers (or they were concerned for my health, as they always seem to be), because shortly afterward I was ushered out of the restaurant and escorted home.

I made sure to brush my teeth ASAP, so this time Eun Ho never even mentioned my stinky breath. Triumph and cunning are MINE!

Reflections on the last week of teaching in 2006--Monday, December 18

Today I taught my fifth-graders for the last time and it was a really weird feeling. Everything is quickly winding down. I thought school always went by so fast at the end because I was so busy at the end, but it’s still racing by me, even as a teacher. I’m glad I will still have them next year, especially the 5-2 class. They are so sweet! Many of the girls were asking for my address, phone number, and email today. I hope I will see them some. Of course, that would require me knowing their names…

Hye Jung and Ye Eun enlisted themselves as my shopping helpers in Daejeon next weekend after I told them I couldn’t see them on Saturday because I was leaving. I want to pick up some nice things for my host parents and also have to meet Bianca to give her passport back. I’m not sure how it will work out with my “helpers,” but it’s definitely possible that they will either give up on the idea or their parents will veto it. I have a sneaking suspicion I’d have to pay for everything for them since I am the elder and that would really suck since I actually don’t make all that much money and am loath to part with it now, right before my big expensive trip. We’ll see what transpires.

I received Christmas presents from home on Friday and it’s all I can do to hold myself back from ripping them open. I really love gifts! But the anticipation is nice, too…it’s going to be fun to finally open them next week! Too bad I think I’m spending Christmas alone, since my fam will be “worshipping.” It will actually be nice to have a relaxing day, I think, even though my mother is insisting on waking me up at the ungodly hour of 7 am.

In short, the first half of my grant year is wrapping up nicely, professionally and personally. I couldn’t really ask for much more and am so grateful for what I have. I just received an email from Caleb, a former ETA at the Fulbright office, who warns us that most problems begin in the second semester. This makes me a little anxious for the future, especially since my school’s going topsy-turvy over the break, but I suppose I will just try to enjoy the present!

South Boundary--Friday, December 15-Sunday, December 17

Last weekend I decided to be adventurous/foolish and travel halfway across the country for a couple days of fun in Busan, a large city located in the southeastern corner of Korea. (For reference, I live very close to the ocean on the western edge about midway through the country.) It was a real headache to get there. Man, Gwangju the weekend before was nothing compared to this! When Friday rolled around and I was already wiped out from a day full of teaching ungrateful brats (well, maybe they’re not THAT bad…), the last thing I wanted to do was spend another six hours traveling by every mode of transportation available. However, I have been wanting to visit Busan for some time now and many of my friends were going to be there. This was the last time I would see most of them until March at the earliest. So determination won out over apathy and laziness, and I set off on a bus toward Buyeo. I suppose I could have asked my co-teacher for help with transportation and reservations, but I was determined to do it myself for once. He does too much for me, anyway, and I gotta get used to doing it myself soon enough, since he’s leaving. I knew there were a lot of buses between Buyeo and Daejeon (the biggest city in my province) and I looked online and saw that trains left Daejeon every ten minutes or so for Busan, so I figured I would be able to find my way to the city all right. What I didn’t calculate into the equation was how long it would take. The bus to Daejeon seriously took forever…I thought I would be able to catch a 7:00 train no problem, but I didn’t even arrive at the bus station until 7:30! Then I had to get a taxi to the train station (because I didn’t trust my memory to catch the right bus—I hadn’t been on it since I went to the Fulbright conference in September). I think the guy ripped me off, but at least I got there in one piece and relatively quickly. Unfortunately, the trains were sold out until 9:00, so I had to wait there. That’s a good thing to remember for the next time I take the train. This time, I didn’t reserve a seat because I had absolutely no idea when I would arrive in Daejeon. I finally got to Busan at 10:45 and took a subway to meet my friends at our motel room. Throughout the course of the trip, then, I traveled by foot, bus, taxi, train, and subway. Whew! Next time I’ll have to try to get a boat somewhere in there J. We didn’t do much that night since it was already so late. The four of them—Jon, Jonah, Sarah, and Kaneda—had all been there since Thursday, so they were rested enough, but I was wiped out! We girls watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith and passed out while the boys went gambling. I found out later that it is against the law for Koreans to gamble. It’s a really strange law. Our room was nice compared to the one in Gwangju, and cheaper, too, but still nothing spectacular. I mean, it had padded walls and 24 hour porn. At least we had enough bedding for all of us…I wasn’t about to complain about a sleeping place in any form!

The next day we met up with Ryan and two of his friends from college and high school. They were visiting him for ten days and had just gotten into Seoul the previous night. Being crazy guys in their early twenties, they decided the best decision would be to stay up all night and catch the first train to Busan. CRAZY. I can’t imagine doing that on jet lag, and in my experience, it’s not a good idea, either. The best thing is to acclimate yourself to local time as soon as possible. I wonder how they are doing now. All the boys ended up sleeping the day away while the three of us girls went to Taedaejeon, a lookout point on an island near downtown Busan. Unfortunately, we misread the subway stop we were supposed to get off at, and ended up going the wrong direction! I suppose we should have paid more attention, since we were going AWAY from the sea. I didn’t really have any idea where we were going, though, and was just content to follow. We figured out our mistake once the cab ride extended to 40 minutes. Yikes! The bill wasn’t too bad, but it was enough to encourage me to consult maps more carefully. Anyway, Taedaejeon…according to my guidebook, on clear days you can see one of the Japanese islands from there! It was pretty cloudy on Saturday, but it was still a spectacular view—cliffs and clouds and the sea…how can you go wrong? There were some awesome climbing rocks near a lighthouse there.

We explored there a little bit, but then had to head out to meet our friend Rohit at Haeundai Beach. He’s an ETA living in Busan and had offered to give us a walking tour of the beach. Between public transportation taking forever and trying to meet up with our power-napping boys, we had very little time to see the beach before the sun went down. It was still a cool tour, but I bet it would’ve been even sweeter to do it as the sun was setting. By this time our group had expanded to include George, an ETA in a nearby city. Afterwards, Rohit left us and Jen and the boys went to a snazzy hotel on the beach for classy drinks while George, Sarah, and Kaneda went out to eat. It was definitely pricey (they had a bottle of scotch for 2 million won, or approximately $2000!), but the view was awesome and it was a really nice place. Then we went out to a meat restaurant and taught Ryan’s friends how to eat Korean-style (fast and furiously). I like eating at these meat places because I just eat the side dishes, rice, and grilled kimchi and get amazingly full for free, because you only pay for the meat at Korean restaurants! Of course, it’s best when I can get some eggs with my meal, but this place didn’t even have that.

After chillin at the hotel for a while, we went out dancing. It took us a little while to find a club, but it was an adventure nonetheless and we eventually did find a place. I’m not a huge dancer anymore, but it’s fun to do it once in a while and I did have a good time. I felt like I was gonna hack up a lung the next day from all the smoke I’d consumed, but those be the breaks, eh? At least I slept really soundly for the 3.5 hours I was down.

I woke early because I wanted to do some more sightseeing before I had to leave on an early train. Luckily I had thought to buy my return ticket when I was in Daejeon on Friday night, because they were almost sold out even then! I had to buy a ticket for a 1:40 train—earlier than I wanted to go, but it gave me some time to hit up Costco in Daejeon, which is conveniently located between the train station and the bus station. Anyway, I went to Gumseong Mountain, which is a place where there was once a large fortress. I didn’t see that part, but I did walk along the old stone fence. I think it’s something like 18 kilometers long and runs across the top of the mountain range there. It was definitely a bit chilly up there, what with the winter wind blowing in from the sea, but the view was well worth it. I would have loved to explore more, but I was anxious to catch my train so I had to head back early. I amazed myself…I managed to find this place all on my own! I really need to be more adventurous about finding places by myself. As much fun as it is to be around other people, it’s so hard to connect with them, and often as not, they are happier to be left sleeping than exploring windy mountainsides with me. Some old man ran after me and insisted I take some of his gloves. People are sometimes randomly so nice to me…I really love it!

The train ride back was uneventful, until I opened my eyes near Daejeon to SNOW! My host mother had told me it was supposed to get cold on Saturday, but Busan had actually been a little warmer than I am used to so I forgot home might be experiencing a cold snap. There must have been a couple inches on the ground and it was really beautiful. I don’t mind seeing it as much as I thought I would. If it’s gonna be cold, I’d rather there was snow, anyway, because it’s prettier. I wonder how often it really snows here, though, since this is the first time I’ve seen it stick and we’re mid-way through December already.

Once in Daejeon, my memory came through for me and I found Costco with absolutely no problem. I bought way too many things there, but I saw some good gifts for the family and I couldn’t resist. I would have bought more except that I had serious doubts about my capability to carry all I already had—candy as goodbye/good job treats for my kids, construction paper for crafts (I’ve been meaning to pick both these items up for months now), fuzzy socks for my host mother and sister, and a huge art set for Ye Eun and Eun Ho. I think they’ll really like it. At least, I hope so…it was expensive!

I finally got home at 8:20, 6.5 hours after I left Busan. What a trip! I definitely want to go back to Busan, but I’d love to spend a longer period of time there since traveling time and expenses are so high. I just realized I have two weeks between my return from Vietnam and the beginning of the school year, not the one I’d miscalculated, so perhaps I will have some time then. I really want to do some Korea exploration then because I don’t think I’ll have much time to do so next semester. I’m pretty sure I don’t really have much time off at all. I really envy the non-elementary ETAs their free time, both during the work week and on random vacations. None of them seem to have to work nearly as hard as I do (which makes sense—they teach supplementary classes and see so many students of the same level that they only have one or two different lessons per week). And on top of that, they all get random vacation time of a week or so at least twice a semester when their students take tests! I wish I had that time to travel. There’s only so much you can do with weekend trips, especially when you have to work on Friday afternoons. I wouldn’t trade places with them EVER because I love my kids and the whole elementary school atmosphere, but I guess I feel deprived sometimes. I get no more recognition, and much less “cultural” time! It’s a mighty good thing I’m doing something I love, or it would be unbearable!

Montana in the News--Wednesday, December 13

I was in the process of going to bed last night when I caught a glimpse of BIG SKY, MT on the TV. (My host father almost always falls asleep on the floor in front of the TV and no one ever turns it off, which explains why I would be watching Korean TV at 11:30 pm.) I could not believe my eyes…when does Montana ever make national news, let alone international news? But no, they were not deceiving me, because that clip was quickly followed by a clear shot of the grizzly bear statue at the Bozeman airport. WHOA. Talk about an unexpected taste of home! It was really weird to see that on TV. I can’t imagine how it will feel to come back into that airport in another year. But I digress, as usual. I wasn’t totally sure what was going on, but it had to do with Free Trade Agreement talks and something about the possibility of Korea opening the market to American beef. I think. I still don’t know why that would require a diplomatic visit to the grand old state of MT, but it was evidently big news.

In other news, today was an absolutely fantastic day for travel arrangements. I FINALLY got the SE Asia itinerary worked out! My FANTASTIC co-teacher, who was working on getting Vietnam visas for me and Bianca because the agency doesn’t speak English, also found flights for us to Ho Chi Minh City for about half the price we had previously been quoted. It’s still not really cheap, but I am so excited to finally have a definite flight and then to have secured this amazing deal on top of it is sweeter still. With that information, I booked all of our other flights. Now all we need are the visas, and we are good to go! This trip is going to be amazing…I can tell already. In exactly one month, I will be in Vietnam/Cambodia, basking in the sun and doing boat tours. I can hardly wait!

Should I stay or should I go?--Tuesday, December 12

I was preparing for my lessons yesterday morning (our normal Monday morning assembly was inexplicably canceled) when I was interrupted by my co-teacher, who had come to inquire about my plans for next year. He had just received some information from Fulbright and was under the impression that I needed to decide whether I would extend my stay at the school another year or not, and needed to know by the next day. WHOA. I had actually been discussing this very topic just last weekend with the other ETAs in Gwangju and I was still very much undecided, but under the impression that I had until April or May at least. I was a little overwhelmed, but still skeptical that Fulbright would put me under that sort of pressure and without my knowledge. (They didn’t.) I had to meet with the principal so he could “know my mind” and though they didn’t try to pressure my decision at all, they were curious about what my reasons could be to NOT extend (knowing the people at my school, they would be quick to accommodate my wishes) and to remind me how much they appreciate my work. It was actually nice to hear that they are so anxious to secure my return; however, since it seems that most everyone who matters will be gone when the year starts anew in March, perhaps that will change. I can see how some other principal or teacher could be less than impressed with my teaching methods and want to put me under tighter rein. That’s actually one of the main reasons holding me back from even thinking about the possibility of extending right now. With my beloved co-teacher gone, things could be really difficult and frustrating for me. I haven’t yet forgotten how terrible it was when he was sick and no one would tell me ANYTHING. We may not talk that often, but he always makes sure I know what’s going on and helps me with everything else, from train and bus schedules to securing a Vietnam visa. Granted, as I grow more accustomed to the system here, I won’t need much help, but it’s nice to know I have him. Complicated questions like this generally just aren’t worth the trouble to even ask anyone else I know. He said before that many teachers would want his job because I am “famous,” I have my doubts. I am scared that Kim Eun Soon will be my new co-teacher, and I can barely talk to her. I like her well enough, but she’s so shy about speaking English and can’t understand a lot of what I say. Plus, she seems so frail…I’d hate to overexert her. Aside from my concerns about the administration next term, I am considering the possibility. I do like it here and I absolutely adore my students (as I’m sure is quite evident). I am learning a lot as a teacher and in some ways I am anxious to have a chance to rework and streamline my lessons by going through yet another year with them. Korea is growing on me, day by day. Though I had a spell there where I was thinking I should have gone somewhere else because I’m not as enchanted with my time here as I was, say, in South Africa, I am pretty much over that. I have a pretty sweet setup and I know it. There is definitely enough here to keep me occupied for another year. I would really like to learn samulnori (Korean drums), and since I won’t even be able to start until next March, I wouldn’t really get that much practice time. These are all things I had been considering in the back of my head up until Monday, and these considerations were bolstered considerably by both my co-teacher’s and the principal’s urgings to stay and the fact that I am evidently much supported by my students’ parents. That actually means a lot to me that all these people I’ve never met have somehow communicated to the school that they are really pleased with my teaching. I guess I had the idea that no one was really paying attention to what I’m doing, but when I really think about it, I’m sure just about everyone in the community has had their eye on me. I’m glad the verdict is a favorable one. Most days I think I’m not accomplishing much with my students and have some serious doubts about my worth as a teacher, but the kids must be bringing home enough knowledge to impress their parents, at least. I am delighted, really, that I have their support, because they are the ones who can really see my students’ progress.

Speaking of which, I have recently been teaching my first and second graders introductory phrases now that we have finished our work with the alphabet and with numbers. They are so funny with it. They definitely don’t really understand it yet, but it will come. Anyway, last week we studied “How are you?” and responses. After seeing how my older students have learned this material and hearing about middle and high schoolers from my ETA counterparts, I was determined that my students would not automatically reply “Fine, thank you, and you?” to each enquiry. I taught them “terrible,” “okay,” “fine,” and “great!” Though there were definitely some problems with the lessons, all the kids know different responses to the question and I am really happy about that. For some reason, my boys, especially the first graders, love to yell “I’m terrible!” and I’m not quite sure why. I guess it’s a fun word to say. It’s really funny to see them get into it as they say it. Though these kids are sometimes tough, it’s really rewarding to see the progress they’ve made with only me as their teacher. Granted, I’m sure some teachers could have done a lot better, but I am proud that they know all the alphabet and a word that starts with each letter, numbers to ten, and five introductory phrases. That’s pretty good for a semester! And anyway, my goal as a teacher is really to give them confidence with English. I’m reluctant to push hard—I don’t want to lose any of them already at this level! I see the ones who have been left behind in the older classes and they are really tough to work with. Plus, I know better than they that they have at least six more very difficult years of studying English ahead of them. I want to give them a foundation of joy (ha!) to add upon later. I’m sure it becomes much much more tedious down the road—why should it be overly challenging now?

SEVEN MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL! Someone asked me this weekend if I was ready for a break from the little rascals, and as with many things nowadays, my answer was yes and no. I will miss the kids for sure and I don’t feel entirely burnt out, like I am in desperate need of a break. But I do feel like I need some time to seriously plan what I want to teach these kids and how I’m going to do it. I’ve had time to get a good feel for where they’re at and how I can be successful in helping them learn more, but I haven’t had time to really consider long-term strategy. I am hoping I will have some time for that during break, especially those two weeks I am “stuck” in Hongsan while teaching that joke of a winter camp. Knowing me, though, I’ll only succeed in making more work for myself…

On another subject, I met with my SK men tonight. We have been meeting really sporadically for the last month or so…there were a couple times we went two weeks without meeting! It’s fine with me, because then I have another hour to play with at night, but it’s still no big deal to go now that we have the silly grammar books. Anyway, Mr. Nam was insisting that he wants to give me a Christmas present above my polite objections (let’s be honest, I really do love gifts, though I have no idea what I’d give him—something from my trip, maybe?). He suggested a hanbok (traditional Korean dress) and I got really excited. I actually really want one, but have been hoping that it would be gifted upon me. I couldn’t really justify the cost to myself…I don’t know when I’d EVER wear one, anyway. They are really beautiful, though. I sincerely hope that he goes all out on me. He was telling me about his musical family tonight and their recent samulnori performance on the piano, of all things, and how when I come visit I can dance to their music in my hanbok. It’s really a funny picture in my head. Unfortunately, he talks about the possibility of me visiting all the time, but it has yet to materialize so I have some reason to doubt his promises in general.

I had to have a photo taken today for my Vietnam visa (I don’t even want to talk about this whole trip-planning thing—it’s a nightmare!) and I was accompanied by So Ye Eun because I had no idea where the studio was. It was a somewhat bizarre experience in many ways. He was so nit-picky about my hair and the lay of my sweater, when I really didn’t care what I looked like because it was just a visa, for goodness sakes. Then he insisted that I close my lips when he took the picture, which I NEVER do and I looked really stupid. Afterward, I looked at the pictures in his studio and most people had serious expressions and closed lips. I guess it’s a cultural thing, but I don’t understand why you’d want your boring self preserved for all eternity. I’d much rather show the later generations my fun-loving side. I suppose that’s a Western attitude I didn’t realize was there. It’s funny how most cultural things seem common sense until you are confronted with people who do things in an entirely different way. Then you realize that your behavior is much more strongly shaped by social and cultural norms than you realized.

Gwangju weekend--Friday, December 8 through Sunday, December 10

This past weekend I met up with ten or so other ETA friends in Gwangju, a city in Jeollanamdo Province (the southwestern province of Korea, where Mokpo is also located). It’s a pretty big place, especially for this country girl, and even has a subway system! I would guess that it has a half million people or so. I ran into problems before my trip even started, however. First, I realized at lunchtime that my phone was almost out of batteries and turned it off to conserve power, because I would have to call my friends in order to meet up with them in the city. Unfortunately, I turned it back on to check my phone number while filling out a form at the post office and forgot to turn it back off. I realized this en route to Nonsan (my co-teacher was kind enough to give me a ride to the train station), but there was nothing I could do at this point to increase the almost nonexistent power left. Though the train ride was nice, especially compared to the bus rides to which I’d grown accustomed (I was on the fast, ubernice Korean train called the KTX), I was a little worried about this potentially disastrous situation. And just as I suspected, though I had time for one short call, my phone died before I could make the second and I had no idea how to find my friends, beyond the fact that they were at a restaurant somewhere near the Hyundai Department store, which was thankfully close to the train station. I had to spend a half hour figuring out the pay phones before I finally reached them again, but they quickly came to find me and all was soon well.

We decided to stay at a “love motel” near the hoppin downtown area. There are a ton of them all over Korea and I guess they specialize in by-the-hour rates. So there is the usual collection of porn on TV and to rent, plus a generally sleazy atmosphere about the place. There were six of us that were going to spend the night in one two person room (some of them stayed in a separate room, and some others lived in Gwangju and just went home). I had never stayed at such a place before because I honestly haven’t traveled that much besides to Seoul and always stay at that hostel Bianca and I found when there, but the others had made a habit of frequenting seedy locations, it seems, and I was game to try. It was all right, I guess, but we didn’t have enough yos and blankets for all, so I ended up cold and with little padding. Plus we had some snorers among us. I wish there were more affordable lodging options for the frugal traveler, but I suppose you gotta take what you can get. My host family and co-teacher would be absolutely horrified to find that I stayed in a place like this, but unless I shell out serious money, it’s really the only option. Besides, we were only going to sleep there.

The first night, we met some extendees who I don’t know that well and all went to a bar together. It was fun but not really remarkable.

The next day, everyone slept in until 12 except me. I really can’t sleep in too late, even if I go without sleep. I am not a morning person by any means, but I always force myself to wake up anyway because I hate to feel like I’m wasting an entire morning. Plus, I am on a pretty steady routine of waking before eight, so my body isn’t used to sleeping in. Thus, I had time in the morning to work my way through a significant chunk of my Korea book (I finished it the next morning). Then we went to Lotte Department store for lunch (they have a huge food court) and met our other friends at a downtown coffee shop. They were all slow to show up, so we ended up spending the entire afternoon there. I learned about everyone’s winter break and even next year’s plans and we shared the usual stories about homestays, students, and teaching. It was good to hear what everyone else was up to and how their time in Korea had been so far. Every one of them is doing well so far, it sounds. We all are pretty lucky to have such great experiences so far and we know it.

Everyone wanted grilled meat for dinner (except me, of course), but we had a lot of trouble finding a place to eat because we had two Jews in our number (no pork) and a Hindu (I think? He doesn’t eat red meat). While we were searching, I had my first experience with the red-bean-paste fish I see at so many street stalls. They are basically red bean paste covered with fish-shaped dough and fried. They are quite delicious and I was happy Alyssa had shared their magic with me. According to her, the ones we had weren’t even that good compared to ones she had in the past, so I guess I’ll have to try them again and see! Anyway, we couldn’t seem to find a chicken place, so we finally had to settle for beef. Poor Anurag had to have table scraps like me. I actually had a really great meal. I ordered an egg dish and substituted that for meat in lettuce wraps like the others were doing. We grilled a lot of kimchi and onions and in general just stuffed ourselves. The best part was that my eggs and rice were only $2, while everyone else’s meat and rice was $11! Ah, the glories of vegetarianism…

We saw a Korean movie afterwards and it was pretty good. We could understand half of it, at least, because one of the characters only spoke English. He’s a Korean-American who is pretty popular here (and it’s definitely NOT due to his acting skills). He was actually in the Kdrama I just finished watching, in which he also spoke only English. The movie itself was basically a shortened drama, but was entertaining enough even for those of us who could hardly understand any of the Korean. We were late for the movie and accidentally walked into the wrong theater. I thought the theater number was different from what I’d thought and that the movie seemed further along than it should be and whispered as much to Anurag, but being the follower I am, I just trusted the guys. Big mistake! We probably didn’t miss too much, though. And Traci cried at the end of the movie!

After the movie, Anurag had a surprise for us…a transvestite bar! Whoa, was I surprised. There were no people there when we arrived, though, and we were told the club didn’t fill up until 2 or 3 (I assume that’s when people are liquored up enough to WANT to go to such an establishment), so we headed elsewhere. We ended up at a bar called LA that featured tasteful (yes, no sarcasm!) photos of naked people on the walls and center stage karaoke. Ryan, Anurag, and Jonah had evidently shared an unforgettable night here in the recent past, but it was not so remarkable this night. We drank quite a bit of beer (we ordered a really cool-looking five-liter mini-keg) and sang one song, but I was tired from not sleeping well the night before and waking up so much earlier than the others, so I headed home with George, who confided in me that he’d never been so drunk in his life. I was hoping the whole journey back to the hotel that I would survive without being puked on and thankfully George made it. Two of my friends were already there because they weren’t feeling well and went home early, so all four of us snuggled up and went to sleep. The others came back from clubbing at 5:30 (I guess Ryan made them all stay out until the subways were running again, even though they took taxis home), but two of them promptly left at 6:30 because they had family obligations on Sunday. Everyone else (except me again) slept until noon. We found some lunch and then went our separate ways—Alyssa and Traci to the bus station and Pohang, Jill with them to find her way to Cheongju, and George with me to wander the streets for the afternoon. Since I had finished my book, I was keen to find another so I would have something to do on the relaxing train ride home. We found a giant bookstore downtown that had a great collection of English books, including all the Lemony Snicket books, Laura Ingalls Wilder, all the classics you could ask for, and a random assortment of other books. I was in heaven and bought four new books in all. I also found a yarn shop and even though I wasn’t that impressed with the yarn, it was the best I’ve come across so far so I bought a bunch. Hopefully it will make good presents later.

I had a great train trip back with my new books, a pumpkin muffin, and twenty mandarin oranges I’d bought from a street vender for $2. I found my way to the Nonsan bus terminal with minimal difficulties (some taxi drivers were trying to convince me to buy their services for the entire ride home or at least to Buyeo, instead of just taking me to the terminal). I am now home, figuring out my second-to-last week of lesson plans and lamenting the fact that I don’t have a single one prepared. THIS is why it’s good to be home some weekends—relaxing Sundays!

Musings on the Busy Bug- and Why I Love Little People Best--Thursday, December 7

It’s definitely time for me to be in bed, sleeping, rather than in bed, typing, as I am now, but since I am going away this weekend it seemed appropriate to say a few things. I have spent most of this week in a frenzy of last-minute travel planning (I’m bad, I know, but why does it have to be so hard to get a flight here?!?) and haven’t had much time to even think about anything else. Though I know I am not nearly as busy as I have been in say, the last six years or so, it’s funny how all the spare time I thought I’d have here in Korea has vanished. Having a real full-time job versus the part-time affair I was led to believe I’d have has, of course, taken up most of my days (and some of my nights, too L). But I think most of it is Betty Friedan’s old theory that work expands to fill the available time. She was using this to explain why housewives could be so tired and overworked, but some women were still able to juggle jobs and housework, I really think it’s a valid theory, though, for I find that I always always always feel busy, no matter what I’m doing. Maybe some of this is my personality, as I am always finding things to keep myself occupied, but I think it holds true for a lot of people. I would always feel ridiculously busy and continuously overwhelmed in college and look forward to breaks, but then those would never be as relaxing as I planned because every day just seemed to fill up somehow. I always had something to do or something I should be doing. My senior year I tested the limits and I think I found where I was doing as much as possible for me because my work started to suffer (not to mention my state of mind). At the time, though, I was taking three very intense classes (and one easy one), writing a 100-page thesis, working 9 hours a week, volunteering for 5 hours a week, running a fundraising club, working out every day, and still working through a book a month. It was actually oddly satisfying to get all that accomplished. Sure, I didn’t have that much time for friends, but I had meals and I made it a habit to go out on Thursday nights. It was probably when I started to go out on weekends that my work started to suffer, so maybe I didn’t hit my complete limit after all. I know it’s probably not healthy to have so much stress and be rush rush rush all the time, but it’s actually kinda stressful to me to be unproductive because then I feel like a worthless slob. At the same time, inertia sets in so it’s hard to motivate myself to do anything. I was always so gloriously busy at Pomona and I actually miss the ridiculous routine. I’m definitely glad to be in the “real” world, but it was nice to have that period of time where I was only responsible to myself and could do what I wanted. It’s a shame I really only took advantage of all the opportunities available to me my senior year. It’s also really strange that friends slipped down in the importance scale at the same time. I am sure there are all sorts of hidden psychological reasons for this withdrawal from normal friendships—being utterly disappointed and rejected by my so-called best friend, my inability to get close to people, etc.—but I was really sick of the friend/party scene there, too. (Isn’t it sad that the two are so linked at my age?) I bought into it for a long time, but after Cape Town I just wanted no part in it. I am still not sure why, because when I was in South Africa I partied like no other. Once I was back, I was just done with being a wild child and I am happy for it. I’m not sure why I got sucked into it in the first place, really. Was I that susceptible to peer pressure? No, I don’t think that’s it. I remember having this sort of personal transition after the whole Dustin thing ended (yes, all the way back in 2000) where I was determined to simply have fun and live more on the edge than I ever did as a straight-edged kid. So I did have some fun, a lot of it, and it all just ended up leaving me hollow and wondering what I was trying to compensate for. Why was it “fun” to drink myself senseless multiple times in a week? I honestly can’t say now, and that’s how I know I’ve really changed in the last two years, because that Jen would have scoffed at me now. So anyway, it was a shocker to come back to Pomona and realize that all my friends were involved in this college partying that I was no longer interested in. Sadly, at Pomona, it defined life for many people. It was only when I stepped away from it that I was able to really take advantage of what was available to me at my school and I’m glad I had that chance before I left. I think a year without having much interaction with my peers helped prepare me for this year, too, though it certainly didn’t improve my people skills!

When I was walking home today, I was thinking how funny it is that I can like teaching so much (and be kinda good at it, too) and not be a people person. I always thought I’d have some kind of job where I didn’t interact with regular people, ‘cause they drive me nuts. I really love working with kids, though, because it’s a different sort of interaction than one with your peers. They don’t really question you (your authority, yes, but otherwise…), they aren’t sneaky, lying backstabbers yet—man o man, I sound bitter!—and they don’t demand much from you personally. Just your time, leave your problems at the door. And I am more than glad to do that. I find that interacting with kids is a time I can let go of most of my frustrations and just laugh. It’s like we have a more elemental connection than I can have with people my own age…we just love each other, no questions, no comments, it’s just simple and there and pure. I’m a better person, I think, for taking the time and losing some of the rough edges of my bitterness around kids, whoever and wherever they are. Too bad they have to grow into pesky adults!

Contemplative ramblings (beware because I can't write properly anymore!)--Tuesday, December 5

I came across an article today about the fundamental differences between East Asian and Western ways of thinking and how it applies to teaching English and it really got me thinking about my experiences so far in light of cultural differences. The article essentially states that East Asians tend to think in terms of relationships, while Westerners think in terms of objects. This mindset is reflected in how children are raised and consequently in how they learn later and function in society. Because Western English teachers bring a different mindset, they are not as effective as they could be, claims the author. Evidently, our method of grouping things taxonomically—animals or colors, for instance—would not make as much sense to an East Asian, who would tend to group things together based on relationships—cows and grass and milk, perhaps. It’s interesting for me because I have definitely been trying to group things according to the way that makes the most sense to me, and according to this article it might not be the most effective way to help them learn. I will have to look into this further as I learn a little more. I haven’t found much information about teaching elementary school English in Asia yet, but then again, I haven’t looked that hard. An interesting and certainly pertinent topic, to be sure.

In addition to raising questions about my teaching methods, I also got to thinking about the cultural differences I see in living an ordinary rural Korean life. The truth is, I don’t really notice it that much anymore. East/West differences are so hyped up by everyone that I expected a far more drastic change than is apparent to me now. I feel that the Korean approach to life isn’t that different from my own. I haven’t had any incidents with losing face, for example, or blatant lies to keep the peace and ensure social harmony, as my sister warned me about. The atmosphere is different for sure—I talked yesterday about the approach to kids—but it’s not anything I have difficulty understanding. There is much more emphasis on hierarchy here, bordering on ridiculous in my opinion, but that isn’t a totally foreign concept. After all, we have a hierarchical system ourselves and many of us spend a good deal of time brown-nosing superiors. It’s just strange that I hear all these warnings about how fundamentally different Asian people think and I don’t find that we are so dissimilar after all. I was expecting a strict, regimented society with stern relationships between superiors and inferiors. Instead, I find a place where kids are given almost free rein, teachers joke around with the principal, and everyone has a good time. Perhaps I have a really good orientation program to thank for my lack of culture shock at the moment. Or I am just missing out on the intricacies of Korean culture due to my limited language capacity. Or I am in a lax atmosphere, surrounded by kids most of the time who perhaps do not embody the culture as rigidly as adults. Or they are giving me a lot of room for error because I am a foreigner. Or I am just a really tolerant person. I prefer to think it’s the latter. I know I have been complaining a lot lately, but I really am fairly content here. I have a definite place here as an English teacher, friend, and sister and I definitely feel at home. I am learning a lot about reading body language—they say experience is the best teacher, after all—so I actually do pick up a lot of what’s happening at school and at home. More than people are aware of, I expect. I just don’t feel that the way I interact with others is foreign at all, as I expected and dreaded it to be. I’ve even grown used to bowing! Maybe I am missing out on something major here, or maybe I am on the verge of something revolutionary—we aren’t so different after all! Cultural difference be damned!

I was reading a passage in a similar vein in the book about Korea I picked up recently. It’s about twenty years old and some of the information isn’t accurate anymore, but there was a section about honor and saving face that was quite interesting. Basically, the author claims that the system suppresses innovation by discouraging behavior that is not in line with the teaching and examples of elders, so nations like Korea will never truly get ahead. I certainly haven’t experienced enough life in the Korean adult world yet to know, but it seems to me that even with the veneration of elders Koreans are quick enough to grab on to innovation. I believe it boasts the greatest access to modern technology such as internet access, much to the surprise of many Americans. It has grown so quickly in the last fifty years and this has certainly not occurred through sentimental desires to cling to the past and do as the ancestors have done. No, this could only occur through innovation. Perhaps Western values are corrupting Korea. Perhaps it is in the process of discarding the infamous Eastern values seen as such a hurdle to East-West relations. I certainly don’t know.

I come away from all of this hesitant to make sweeping generalizations and just marvel at how similar ways of life can be, when you dig down to the core. It is all about relationships, even though we seem to do our best in the Western world to deny this essential fact at times. In this respect I think it might be beneficial to emulate the East in thinking holistically and in terms of relationships. It’s what I strive to do, for I think an emphasis on objects has dulled life into a weary cycle of material accumulation. Looking and listening and living the best way I know is all I can do, and everywhere I go I am learning more about how I really want to live. It’s all I can ask for, right?

How to parent your kids--Monday, December 4

I woke up this morning to a fresh snowfall. It wasn’t snowing anymore, but sometime in the night a light dusting had fallen. It was gone by the end of the day because of the sun, but winter is definitely here, and to stay, I fear. As I was walking home in the cold, I was thinking how it is so much more fun to visit winter for a predetermined amount of time—say, Christmas break—than to live in it indefinitely. Ah, well, I guess I only have five more weeks, anyway, and then I’m off to the sunny equator.

I spent yesterday in a mess over my upcoming trip and Christmas stress. Bianca informed me Saturday night that she just realized we had to get visas to visit Vietnam, so I suddenly and miraculously have to navigate my way through the Vietnamese embassy in Korea (which uses two languages I DON’T know), and I only have a few weeks to do it! Oh, woe is me…AND we still don’t have tickets to get there after Bianca was essentially blacklisted by travel agents. At least, that’s our theory. How else to explain the fact that multiple travel agents have failed to get back to her after several progressively more frantic emails? I think she’s going to figure it out tonight, though, and just in time! Otherwise, we’re sunk! It’s funny how travel is supposed to be so enjoyable and relaxing, but the planning stages actually induce more stress. The actual travel, too, is not as easy as imagined from a safe distance. I hope I’m up for it!

I’m also a little anxious about Christmas. I know, it’s early, but I gotta get things out now if they’re going to reach the U.S. in time. I did a little more shopping yesterday, so I think I’m finally almost done. Just a few finishing touches, and then I only have people here to worry about. Man, it’s no fun to have this pressure to find little gifts for everyone. I mean, I love giving gifts, but finding good ones for EVERYONE by a certain time is hard. Though if I didn’t have the pressure of a deadline, I’d probably never give gifts anyway, so I guess everyone else should be happy there’s the December 25 cutoff.

I have twenty more days of teaching this semester. I am sad it’s coming to a close and I will miss some of the sixth graders, but I am definitely in need of a break. I wish Chusok had been later…all this work with no possibility of rest has gotten to me! It definitely doesn’t help to get all these emails from other ETAs who have a week or two off right about now due to finals. All the secondary ETAs get hella time off because their students have tests. When my students have tests, I generally get a morning off, and they often don’t even tell me ahead of time! I’m resentful, I admit it. At any rate, I had enough classes randomly canceled (leaving me to piddle around the school library) where I did not get through nearly as much material as I had originally planned. Admittedly, some units took longer than I though as well, but I put much of the blame on sporadic attendance. I feel like somewhat of a failure in this respect because my job is to teach them what they need to know to be successful and they don’t know all of it now. Something to remedy next semester, I suppose.

In an unrelated but interesting tidbit, I found out the other day that there are no traffic police in Korea. They rely on cameras only and since most of the cars I’ve been in have these sensors that tell where the cameras are, I can’t see how they’re that successful. But the system evidently works because I have yet to see an accident here. It’s very interesting to me because I can’t see how such a system would work in the United States. People would take hopeless advantage of it to pursue their own aims—namely, getting to their destination as fast as possible. Why should it work here? The main explanation I can think of is that Koreans grow up in a system that encourages personal responsibility. They drive more or less well because they are supposed to and don’t require thousands of people to be employed simply to make sure they are doing what they should be. They can manage quite well on their own. The cameras are only there, it seems, to keep speed down a bit, not to police. I can see this sense of personal responsibility even in my students. The kids really don’t have someone shepherding them around and telling them what to do. When they are not in class, they are on their own to do what they want. Between classes (we have 10 minute breaks), students roam the halls freely—something I’ve never seen in the United States, where kids are on a strictly regimented system of school and recess and always closely watched by adults. Even at lunch, when we have a whole hour free, they can do whatever they want. I remember how surprised I was when I went up to my classroom one day during lunch and there were a ton of kids hanging out there when I expected them to be outside. I’ve gotten used to it to be sure. Though I think sometimes it would be better to encourage them to have more outside time, on the other hand I think that giving children as young as first grade the freedom to choose what to do without adult supervision gives them a chance to learn limits and responsible behavior on their own. My kids also freely make their way home, which may or may not be a small town thing. Regardless, I am pretty sure that no American mother would allow her first grade son to walk a mile home and arrive whenever he felt like it, as my host mother does with Eun Ho. At first I was a little taken aback at this lax approach with kids, but the more I see it in action, the more I believe it works and indeed is a better system. In America, it seems, even as adults we are in need of constant guidance because we can’t behave appropriately with only our morals to guide us. We should trust our kids and give them more opportunities to make decisions without adult guidance so perhaps they can learn to live without constant behavior police, too.

SNOW--Saturday, December 2

Today I woke up to huge snowflakes swirling down from the sky. The first snow in Hongsan! It was really exciting and beautiful, but the snow didn’t stick. It’s not cold enough yet, I suppose, though it did sporadically snow a few other times today. The wind was biting, too. Just about everyone has been sick recently and I finally came down with it today, too. I have been feeling it coming on—sore throat, etc.—for a little while, but I’ve been holding it off until now. I guess sharing close quarters with three sickies, not to mention having students cough over me all day, finally did me in. It’s too bad it had to happen today…I can hardly enjoy any of the relaxing things I wanted to do because I only want to sleep!

I walked into town today to finally get the haircut I’ve been meaning to get for months now. I was about to take scissors to my own hair, so I figured it was about time. I ran into a bunch of my first grade students as they were leaving school and four of the girls ended up taking me to a salon—I think it was owned by the mother of one of the girls. I got a great cut (finally got all the dead hair chopped away, after a year of a scraggly mop) for only $5!

I went for my usual weekend afternoon walk and today of all days Eun Ho decided to come with me. It was cold and the kid is a slow walker, so it wasn’t terribly fun. I was impressed, though…we were out for an hour and he never even complained. I expected (and wanted) him to turn back, but he didn’t. I think he was disoriented, though. I overheard him tell Ye Eun he didn’t know where we went and he asked me at one point if we were walking to school when we were headed the opposite direction. Sometimes I forget he’s only 8 years old. I was a little sad I had to cut my walk short and walk slower, but it was fun watching him do silly things like run up hills backwards. The kid is seriously such a goofball!

I spent the rest of the afternoon contemplating lesson plans, finishing up some knitting, and starting to read a book on Korea. I had vague plans to do some Christmas gift wrapping and shopping, but that’s probably not going to happen anytime soon. Too sickly…must lay down and rest…