Yesterday was my worst day teaching EVER. I actually cried tears of frustration at the end, and I’m not even a crier! I think the last time I really cried was almost two years ago, as a matter of fact. Basically, what it boils down to is that I’ve completely lost control of my third grade class. I don’t know what has happened, but basically it’s just gotten progressively worse throughout the year. They have always been a challenge, but now the classroom has descended into chaos and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.
Back to the evidence….I had decided to stop teaching regular lessons and just do fun Christmasy and winter stuff with the kids this week. I was going to teach the third graders some Christmas words and then play some Christmas bingo with them. The lesson had worked perfectly with the fourth graders the day before. I’d like to note here that my fourth graders used to be just as unruly as my third graders, but for some reason their behavior paths have greatly diverged and fourth grade is now one of my favorite classes. They are so fun and responsive to everything I teach. They progressed from general wildness to falling out of their seats with enthusiasm to answer my questions. I have the feeling that if I could only solve this mystery of why the fourth graders decided to respond to me, perhaps I could learn to manage the third grade as well.
At any rate, the lesson never even had a chance to get off the ground. They began by running into the room, screaming and jumping on the furniture and everywhere. I suppose I’m making it sound worse than it is. There are definitely some really great kids in the class who do want to learn and are attentive and so on. But at least ten kids (all boys, OF COURSE) are completely disruptive every time, with increasing severity. They distract everyone else and I end up with a restless, willfully disobedient class. On Wednesday, I had to force some of them to sit down and then they just talked the whole time, completely ignoring me and getting the rest of the class involved. I couldn’t even start class! I spent about 10 minutes trying to get them to be marginally quiet, but I am already so sick of yelling in general and especially at them that I had to give up. I was seriously about to leave the class and go cry somewhere. I tried new seating arrangements, I tried ignoring the troublemakers…all of it has only made it worse, if anything. I didn’t have a backup plan prepared, so I just made them copy down some Christmas words and draw corresponding illustrations for the period and released them when they were done. It was completely worthless for English learning except as handwriting practice because they couldn’t even read the words and I didn’t get a chance to teach them how to say them, but I was hoping that work with a definitive goal (getting out of class) would entice them to get busy. But no. The troublemakers didn’t do it anyway and they all refused to leave, so I was stuck at the end with a classroom full of energetic children when I had been expecting just a few students whom I would FORCE to work. They finally left after I literally screamed at them, but kept coming back and hiding in the room. They seriously think that I’m just a big joke. I was finally left in peace and bawled for the first time in ages. Unless that scarf I was promised is actually a weapon of torture that commands obedience from my third grade students and I get it now, not next year, there is no way in hell I will even consider returning for more punishment at the hands of children.
I am absolutely at my wit’s end here. I have no idea how to go about teaching these children. I’ve tried ignoring troublemakers (hoping they’re just doing it for attention), but the other kids are always distracted and often amused by their antics, so that’s failed. I really hate to punish—I feel positive reinforcement is a better teacher—and even now that I want to, what can I do? Today I sent them out of the room if they were being too rowdy and told them not to come back, but that is not a good thing to do. It just teaches them that if they act badly enough, they won’t have to do English. I’ve tried having them sit out, but they just act like clowns for the general amusement of the class. I don’t think there’s anyone else I can look to for help, either. When there is another teacher there (which is essentially NEVER), they just have them sit at the back of the room with their hands on their head. That seems silly to me and I don’t think I’d be able to carry it out because they have absolutely no respect for me and would never ever listen. The other kids get really scared when I get mad (maybe because it’s only happened once and the sixth graders have consciences), but it doesn’t faze the GD third graders. I used to take the view that it was my fault as a teacher—I was failing to capture their attention and needed to keep trying different tactics until I did—but I don’t know what else I could possibly do. If they can’t even give me one second of attention, how can I ever reach them? I suppose if I were a better and more experienced teacher I would know what to do, but I don’t have any experience. Plus, I can’t even talk to the kids! They basically know no English because they won’t let me teach it to them! The troublemaking minority are determined to treat my class as a farce and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. I don’t know how I am ever going to make it through another class with them, let alone thirty+ more. I’ve dealt with plenty of discipline problems in the past and I’m sure I have more experience than most ETAs, but I’m still not very good at it. I’m never quite sure which is the most instructive and positive way to go about it. At any rate, it’s a difficult skill to learn and it’s always been a source of frustration and anxiety for me in the classroom. Why o why do these students have to make a hard job even harder for me?????
On a more positive note, today was my last day of teaching regular classes and they went really well, aside from the predictable third grade catastrophe that had me sleeping restlessly last night. Luckily, I had my fourth graders last and they were angelic, so I went out on a high note. We made Christmas cards and a lot of them made them for me, even though I only gave Mom and Dad as examples. The sixth graders also gave me many of their cards when we made them on Wednesday. I was touched, though I’m sure their parents would appreciate them more than me, the poor teacher with dozens of cards and no idea who most of them are from!
I received a surprising note today from one of my fifth grade students. It was amazingly good—long AND well-written! Sadly, I’m still not sure who it was, but I will try to find out tomorrow. She deserves some recognition for making my day!
I spent the afternoon in Buyeo trying to Christmas shop. It was unsuccessful for the most part, but I finally got an idea of what to get my co-teacher, which I have been agonizing over for months now. I would like to get nice presents for some of the teachers I work with, but I really hate picking things out for people I don’t know well. It’s the frugal environmentalist in me, I guess—I don’t want to get them something too stupid and cutesy and useless (amazingly almost impossible in Korea) and I also don’t want to get them something they don’t like. I hate giving gifts just to give. I’d rather just get or make things for people because it strikes me as something they like. But alas, that’s not really the way it works for me here. Oh, the agony of the holidays, and gift-giving in general!