I’ve been feeling a little down again the past few days and I’m not really sure why. I guess ‘cause I’m stuck in the country with little to do. I am busy enough—I never seem to get enough sleep!—but I sure don’t do anything exciting nowadays. This makes me realize how much I do actually depend on friends to cheer and entertain me (and for other things, too, of course). I thought I was functioning fine without friends this summer, when I was a homebody, but I was only falling back on my family. I am not an island after all.
Don’t get me wrong…I am definitely not unhappy at all! But all the days are starting to run together. I really don’t have much to look forward to right now. I thought I was going to meet up with my friend Janaki this weekend, but she canceled on me at the last minute. Her school asked her to do something tomorrow, so she just wouldn’t be able to make it. I could go meet other people, but they’re literally all the way across the country and it would be a pain to get there. So I’ve resigned myself to another weekend at home. I must leave at some point this time, however. I don’t know why I have been so lazy about leaving…I guess it just seems like a bother to go out alone after a while. Maybe because I am in this place where being alone is super weird, or because at home or out, I am still a bit lonely. I think I will try to go to the ocean tomorrow, even thought I might try to talk myself out of it. It’s supposed to be a nice day. Hopefully it will be a place where I can just wander and walk.
There’s not much to report from the school front. I’ve been feeling like a less-than-stellar teacher lately and don’t really want to dwell on it. I don’t know if I am actually getting worse or just setting higher standards or the kids are getting impatient with me. I feel like I am yelling all the time and I hate that. Why can’t they just listen to me?!?!? Sometimes I just want to wring their necks! There is this one third grade boy that I am beginning to hate. He threw the picture dictionary page I had the students make out the window, which upset me both because it was littering and it was blatant disrespect for me personally. The next day, he and another student ripped apart a game board I made. They were cleaning the room for me after that. I am just not going to tolerate crap from these kids. They will learn…