Less than a week left now. I have a pile of “stuff” accumulated to take home, but haven’t really started packing yet. It’s going to be a wild week, I can already tell…prepping my last lessons (finished up two classes today already!), saying goodbye to my students (who seem a little bewildered at my early departure—one asked me today WHY I was going back), cleaning my room at home and at school, saying goodbye to all the teachers (I dearly hope we don’t have a farewell scene of any sort—I really don’t feel like drinking with all of them again so soon), saying goodbye to my homestay family, shopping for gifts for friends…one step at a time. After all, nothing should faze a Pomona graduate, accustomed to too much hard work!
And, indeed, things are coming together. I am taking the easy way out with my lessons, perhaps, but I am tired of making the lessons so hard on me, the teacher. I think the students are learning just as much, anyway. It’s taken me a whole year, but I’m finally learning how to not have my job take over my life. Today I got out a little early after bribing all my third and fourth graders with Choco Pies and then took a three hour walk through the countryside. I didn’t mean for it to be so long, but all the side roads I veered into were dead ends, surprisingly. I’ve grown used to the interconnected web of country roads, but evidently, not all of them are connected, at least in that area. It was nice, anyway, and gave me some time to relax and think, as well as the opportunity to start to burn off the 10 pounds I collected in Korea…. I’ve been pretty distressed by my weight lately, now that things are starting to fit me much more snugly than before. Plus, I’m going home and I’m not really looking forward to the snide comments about my fuller figure. But it can’t be helped at this stage. Thinking back over the weight gain periods I’ve experienced since high school, I am definitely starting to discern a pattern and perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised I got heavier here. I always seem to gain quite a bit of weight in new situations—when I moved to college, when I moved to Cape Town, and now when I moved here….I think I get stressed and a little depressed and my response is to eat a lot and I balloon up right away, which of course does wonders for my depression. I’m not particularly unhappy here—I am staying another year, after all—but I do get lonely and bored. Really, I just need more to do. Hence the long walks.
My friend Bianca sent me a message last night telling me how depressed she’s been with teaching lately and as I read it late last night I had a mild panic attack as I realized what I had gotten myself into with my decision to stay in Korea. As my flight home looms closer, I think of how it could be a flight home, for good, and it makes me a little sad. Do I really want to be here for a whole year more? Can I really do it, without becoming bitterly obese? Well, it’s too late now!